的确，要写这个系列是要有许多医学常识，和教育心理学。谢谢海运的耕耘。

雨林你的最后一段正是我想说的，所以，让我们感恩！拥抱！

我自己也在学习中，写的过程，让我思索，尤其是那些不能将心比心的父母的责难，更让我觉得这本书值得写！一定要写！传统老旧的观念一定要更新，否则，还不知道有多少孩子深受其害多少父母痛苦难耐而不自知根源所在！

生活中，有时会误解这些人：以为他们是性格古怪，其实是心理的问题，需要治疗。

更确切地说是头脑问题，抑郁症就是头脑中缺少一种化学成分，运动和药物都能促进这种化学成份的增加。当然，心理因素也存在。

"To help those children, everyone including children, parents, teachers, relatives and friends should make an effort to LEARN. "  Thank you, Joanna! Yes, lets all learn from this expereince. 

写这个系列，海云做了许多案头工作，让我十分钦佩。

你提到严歌苓的失眠， 让我想起这里的一个朋友曾经提到的，孩子的bipolor没有被及时诊断的往事。孩子在八年级时，毫无缘故整晚失眠，去看了儿科医生， 只作为失眠症处理， 建议用melatonin (国内翻译成脑白金）而已。可见即使在美国， 也容易被忽视。

你也提到梵高，让我又想起一首写给他的歌， 用的是他的画作的名字《Starry Starry night》： https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkvLq0TYiwI

天下每一个父母，都愿望自己有现世游戏规则里面“正常”的孩子。 可是， 那些现在看上去不合常规的孩子，让懂得他们的父母和人们，对世界有更多深刻的理解从而更加慈祥宽容和谦卑，从这个角度看，他们， 其实是人间更美好的天使啊。

（btw， 第六段的最后一句可能有一个typo）

海云,

You are very welcome! Thank you for sharing your experience!

The reason that I am looking into general Psychology is because humans have a lot of common reactions/behaviours in the face of predicaments. I find it helps to solve the problems in a profound way once we understand why we, our children or others think/act in a certain way.  

Most people, especially parents, focus on fixing/complaining/criticizing their children or others rather than improving themselves. Their arrogrance, over-confidence or extreme stress prevent them from taking extra time to learn.

Once, I talked to the father of an ODD child about those books. He looked at me desperately and said that he does not need books but an Immediate Solution to change his child. Watching his family suffer for years, I understood his longing for a fast FIX. 

From your writing, I can see that your tremendous effort to translate the book enables you to digest the information more throughly than most readers. A lot of parents probably just scan your writings for a solution. A lot of parents just want to gain some understanding and support from friends and society rather than to change/improve themselves. 

I understand that it is very hard for parents to calm down and learn carefully when they are over stressed. But the ultimate solution truly lays in how deep parents digest your infomation and how they reflect when they practice those solutions.

Years ago, I heard from a friend that almost every American parent in Palo Alto sent their kids to see therapists. We were laughing about it because we believe our chinese culture, wisdom and traditions will undoubtly enable us to raise a responsible child. Recently, I read a book published by a psychologist and she said that she, a psychologist, had been seeing a psychologist when she could not clear her mind. I was surprised. Most of us only see psychologists in movies or books. Hope you can discuss more about the role of psychologists in helping your daughter.

Best,

Joanna

海云,

Hope the following information can help you with your book.  Best, Joanna.

According to psychology, when people are in pain, they automatically try to defend themselves. Typical defensive behaviors are:

1) blame/criticize others 

2) attempt to fix/correct others because they think that it is the OTHERS who cause the pain/problem.

3) victimize themselves: they think the situation is not fair. From a victim’s perspective, they judge what is right or wrong. They believe that they have the right to fight back or to rebel.

These kinds of behaviors are very common and we can easily find them in ourselves and the people around us.

Children often don't have sufficient experience and knowledge to understand their behaviors. When they are in deep trouble, they cannot focus on overcoming their own problems. Rather, they blame school for its boring classes, teachers for their unfairness, and parents for their cluelessness and injustice. Their balmes do have certain degree of truth. Most often, teachers’ and parents' help simply do not work.

Because they are under numerous pressures, they want to escape by using drugs, by dropping classes and etc.

Victimizing themselves, they believe that they have a RIGHT to rebel against parents, school and society. Some of them end up in prison. 

On the other hand, parents DO NOT realize that they have done anything wrong. Some of them think that they are victims and they believe that it is their parental responsibility to FIX their children. 

A lot of parents do not realize the underlying problems of their children amd simply believe that their children are lazy.

Although they love their children deeply, most parents DO NOT FIX their children appropriately. Especially when children act in a terrible way such as screaming and smashing things, parents's rages are provoked instantly and they end up fixing children in a way which they did not intend.

Parents do not realize that they must FIX their OWN parental skill in order to solve the probelms. 

Because mentally disordered children challenge parents in such a painful way, if parents are no aware of the root cause of the problems, they not only cannot FIX their children but also develop mental disorder illnesses themselves such as depression.

Many years ago, I heard that a beloved aunt, my father's coworker, committed suicide after many years of struggling with her son and her husband. I didn't understand at that time because she was very beautiful, intelligent and always kind to people around her. If children have mental disorders, their parents and their grand-parents may have very very minor mental disorders as well.

Relatives and close friends DON'T truly understand the special situation because they have NO knowledge on how to help children with metal disorders. 

They try to FIX those parents by giving advice based on their own parental experience. However, not only do those parents not value their friends’ advice, but they also feel offended because their friends or relatives are trying to FIX /BLAME them rather than understand their pain.

To help those children, everyone including children, parents, teachers, relatives and friends should make an effort to LEARN. 

BTW, for those people who verbally abuse their spouse and children, they use the same excuse - they have their responsibility to fix others. Or they are the victims...

I will try to write more on the therapist/psychologist experiences on next chapter.

感动雨林最后一段话，许多孩子，可能都存在不同程度的行为、心理和精神症状，只是表现形式不同而已。每一个父母都希望孩子健康快乐成长，只是在个案孩子的成长过程中，失去了真正的爱心和耐心，有时以一种极端的形式表现出来，于是出现了父母孩子沟通上的困难。所以，平静对待个案孩子真的非常不容易。