小哭注：这个系列是Susan这个寒假的作品，她本来不想写这些小作文，因为她的目标是写书：）可是我说如果你想看电影，那条件就是交一篇作文就看一部DVD电影。于是，她就写了一些。也许是因为有一个搬家的大环境，所以文章都是围绕着搬家和转学。
不过，她在寒假的过程中，圣诞节那天，给我的礼物，是一篇作文，和圣诞节有关的作文，关于她对上帝的理解。我深受震撼和鼓舞，如我和一些朋友分享的，如果在一年前，让我说孩子能够变成现在这个样子我就去信上帝，我想我一定会同意的。并不说现在不同意，而是想解释孩子的变化在我眼里有多大 。
其实我不想如我一贯的强势作风，评价一些朋友育儿观的对错，但是我觉得有话不说也真是憋得难受。所以，我想以对Susan作文的展示，来展示我的育儿观。虽然她没有那些可以量化的指标令人眼前一亮，但是，我从没像现在这样为拥有她这样的孩子感觉那么自豪与放心。对她过去努力的肯定，远不如对她未来的保证令让我心动。她在思想上的进步，让我对她的未来充满了期待，因为我觉得她已经进入了一个良性循环里面了。我所不放心的那些大环境可能会带来的坏影响，已经不是我一个人或一个家庭去帮她对抗了，她现在有来自圣经的指导，有牧师去咨询，还有一些善良智慧的老基督徒们看护她，因此，我相信在大家的努力下，她会行在当行的道上。为此 ，我由衷地赞美神！！！
这是我今年收到的、最令我心动的圣诞节礼物！！
How God Saved Me
God has helped me a lot recently. I’m glad I finally know him. Unlike a lot of other families that grew up in the United States, my family only started going to church in the past four years. I think if I grew up in an typical “American” family, I wouldn’t be a believer right now. My experiences in China, my relationship with my parents, and just about everything else that happened in my life all helped me towards becoming a Christian.
Throughout my four years in America, I’ve been to many different churches, due to the fact that my family never settled down until now. I’ve always liked most of the churches I’ve went to, with the exception of one. I liked the First Baptist church because Sunday School is very fun and I get to have snacks afterwards. I liked the Unitary Unniversallist (is that how it’s spelled?) church because they have great food and a very beautiful building. I liked the North Shore church because I’m the smartest one in Sunday School, and the programs there are really nice. Those are good reasons, but all of that is insignificant compared to why I go to the Chinese Bible Church of Oak Park (CBCOP)—because I can learn more about God.
When I first heard of CBCOP, I was disgusted. Remember that church I said I hated? Well, that was the Chinese Bible Church of Lexington. I don’t know why, but I just detest that place. It’s too big, it’s too crowded, the people are all immature and NOT nice…….so I naturally hated CBCOP when a pastor there talked about it. I thought the reason I hated the Lexington church was because it’s too Chinese, so I hated CBCOP immediately because it’s also very Chinese. I was in for a surprise.
The moment I stepped foot into that small building that is the Chinese Bible Church of Oak Park, I loved it. Of course, I didn’t suddenly love it because I can learn more about God. That came later. I loved it for many different reasons. First of all, it’s small. Because of that everyone felt more like family. Secondly, the adults there are just soooo nice. I guess that’s because there’s less kids to watch over. My Sunday school teacher, Midm, treated me like I’m part of the class, and the students there also treated me like one of them. The lesson in Teacher Midm’s class was very much centered on God, and Midm explained it extremely clearly. He asks just the right questions to help us (the five students) understand, and the students are very smart too. Thirdly, I felt closer to God on that first day there than I did at any other church. After one month at that church, I started to become interested in the Bible.
I didn’t know why then, but looking back on it, I think the Holy Spirit droped by and paid me a visit. I debated with my dad over dinner about the teachings in the Bible. Soon, my parents started going to fellowship at the church on Saturdays, and I started to go to a youth group called God-X. That’s when I started to believe. At first, it was only for a few seconds during worship (singing). After experiencing how I felt during those few seconds, I wanted to believe. But believing in God isn’t just something I can force myself to do.
I went to God-X every meeting after that. I loved going to church more and more. Maybe the fact that school is so very boring made me me eager to go to church every Sunday. Or maybe it’s because at church is the only place where I felt that I’m not surrounded by morons (with the exception of home). Whatever the reason, I was depressed when I heard I have to go to China that summer.
Little did I know God wanted me to visit China. I relunctantly spent a very dissapointing summer vacation in that very depressing country, but when I came back to the US, I was in for a surprise. I believed in God!!!! It was such a subtle process that I never noticed it until I was back at Church, but the Holy Spirit started stiring inside me, and I believed. It was wonderful, delightful, amazing. Of course, my life is still very chaotic and sometimes sad like everyone else’s, but I would’ve been more sad if I had not believed in him.
God saved me just in time. Right after summer vacation, I started feeling pessimistic. Sometime, during arguments with my parents, I felt downright depressed that nobody understood me. But the fact that God is with me, that he understands me, gave me comfort. I knew that he would take care of everything. Believing in the Bible also gave me a set of rules to follow for my life. It helped me understand what I should do, and helped me maket the right choices. This would probably sound very hippie-ish, but I know my life was, and still is, at the crossroads here. What should I chose, what should I do? What will I chose? None of the choices looked too good to me. They all have no purpose. What’s my reason to live anyways other than the fact that I don’t want to die?
Believing in God opened a new path for me. I realized that even if I don’t know why I’m here (as in, exist), I know that God arranged it, and I know that as long as I believe in him, live for him, and follow him, God will take care of the rest.
我有一种直觉，也许我会因着Susan来到上帝的面前。知道文轩基督徒众多，也知道这里并不适合如此谈论信仰，但是，看到孩子的进步，我特别愿意把其中的原因找出来，并和众文友分享。信仰是见仁见志的事情，希望孩子明辨是非，则是家长们共同的心愿。
后记：今天晚上我有一种强烈的冲动，放弃参加了一年的团契，一个人留在家里做点事情。我也不知道我会做什么，因为要收拾的东西一箱又一箱，要处理的事情一桩又一桩，最后我把时间放在了发表这一系列作文上面了，现在这个系列结束了，我感觉也好极了。回头复制下来，留着自己慢慢欣赏去了，估计时间越久，读着越温暖......
| 阿朵 (2013-01-13 16:17:23) |
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小哭，谢谢你上传的susan色系列作文，我回头好好读一下，分享我的想法。 |
| 周小哭 (2013-01-15 14:59:58) |
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嗯，传得比较多，也没有翻译，消化起来需要点时间了。谢谢阿朵。 |
| 海云 (2013-01-15 18:12:08) |
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不好意思，今天才把你女儿的这个系列读完，开始一看五篇，我就往后推想等有时间再读。幸亏我读了，了解了，真为你和你女儿高兴。 我的两个孩子也经历了搬家，儿子离信仰仍然很远，不过儿子和我的关系一直很亲近；女儿却似乎跟信仰比较近一些，但是女儿和我的关系却常出状况。养儿育女不是一件容易的事情，我们都在摸索和学习中。 有时间，若你能把你女儿的文字翻成中文，让更多的为人父母读到，尤其是被中国的父母们读到。 最近在万维网，读到一篇文章说女儿是妈妈心脏的癌症，感觉很混杂，也许有女儿的母亲可以多分享与女儿相处之道，对我们这些在摸索中的妈妈们会有帮助。
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| 周小哭 (2013-01-15 21:37:19) |
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我之所以不等有时间翻译就发文，就是万维那个“心脏的癌”那篇深深地刺激了我。我本来是赞同那些对作者提出批评的观点的，后来看到作者说她情愿讲出自己的一些深度的东西，而不介意受到批评，正是因为想帮助那些和她有同样困惑的妈妈们，我才觉得这个系列值得发出来。是非对错有点属于清官难断家务事的感觉，可是至少那些无奈的，最好是认同信仰对孩子的影响很重要的家长，可以看到孩子们的心声，从这里找找办法。这个系列很啰嗦，可是也因此很真实，对于深处苦恼中的某些父母，绝对可以提个醒，试试信仰的力量。我第一时发给了一个朋友，那个朋友已经对孩子绝望了，她已经努力很多年了。当然每个孩子的问题各不相同，但是这个家长说，她目前认为，也许带孩子找到上帝这个信仰会管用，我也希望这会成为某些家长的希望 。 |