阿朵前言：海外文轩的《子女教育》文集正在编辑出版过程中，出版社的编辑说，希望多听到孩子们的话。于是，我试着和老大约稿，知道他在大学很忙很忙，选着5门课，教着一门课，管理者两个青少年组织，有没有约会？我不知道。
邮件寄出，两天没有回音。我特友好的再发一遍，给了他一个期限，终于有了回信：妈妈，我很忙，我争取。
终于，离期限还有半个多小时，晚间11点30分，发来了一篇。当时在昏暗的灯光下，我又有些老眼昏花，看到他满篇生涩的英文，我大概只读懂了50％，本来心理期待着他写篇关于高中辩论的文章，这和我要求的主题相差甚远，我就毫不客气的就给打了回去，要求重写一篇。可惜这回，不到两分钟，就碰了软钉子：妈妈，我真的没有时间。
带着一丝郁闷，一点失望，我进入了梦想。
第二天上午，有了些精力和能量，我又把文章拿过来读了几遍，用google的翻译器翻译着，用自己的心去理解着，我终于读懂了他。
心理多了些感动和不舍，我连忙写信给他：儿子，谢谢你，我终于读懂了你！
原文：
Sculpt Yourself
“Establish a vision of the person you want to become at some point in the future-- describe that person completely in terms of character traits, opportunities, skills, people you are connected to, even location. Fix that vision in your mind. Write it down and post it on your bathroom mirror, even. Then, own that vision in your mind-- claim it emotionally as if you are there already. Ask yourself every morning "what will I do today that is consistent with that future me?" In the evening, ask yourself, "What did I do today that was consistent with my vision?"
Ultimately, train your brain to be the person your spirit tells you already exists.“
- Mark Patterson, via Quora
We have a lot more ownership over our lives than we’re often aware of.
There are so many of us out there who worry deeply and fret constantly over a particular outcome ahead of us. Will I get that raise or promotion? Will I be accepted into my dream college? What if I ask her out and she rejects me?
We assign particular weight onto each of these circumstances, and while I would never say they are unimportant, it is also the case that we all too often give them more importance in our lives than they deserve.
And by doing so, we inevitably make them come true.
If you believe that a particular life decision or outcome will define your core identity, over time, that belief will be etched onto your soul. The more true you believe it to be, the truer it becomes.
I have seen people let their mistakes define them. These were people who failed to take from their experiences the positive learning outcomes that they could of. Instead, they chose to wallow in negativity.
And I have also known people who have risen from the depths of their misfortune to mold themselves and their life into something so incredible, the rest of us are left staring at their transformation with wide eyes and mouth agape.
I had a friend who was rejected from the college of his dreams. For a time, he was the epitome of the individual who refuses to learn from his mistakes. He believed the college had made a mistake in their admissions process, and that he deserved to get in. This backwards-looking thinking is so focused on the past that it’s like trying to drive a car while only looking at the rear-view mirror. He was unhappy and despondent.
And finally he realized what he was doing to himself.
I saw how, over the course of a year, he turned his life around. He accepted that he was where he was, and that the only thing left to do was the make the best of it.
Almost as soon as he made this personal decision, the world around him seemed to present him with all the opportunities he thought were only available at his dream school. As a result, he excelled. Right now, my friend is doing some incredible things in his life. He has won multiple prizes and awards for his work and is undeniably on the path to success.
The most magical thing about this tale is that his story is not a fluke.
Look at the image at the top of this essay. The sculptor and statue are the one and the same. With every blow of the hammer and strike of his chisel, he becomes closer to becoming truly him.
Many of us are unaware of just how much power we have to shape ourselves in the same way that the statue is sculpting himself. Yet we and him are one and the same. For do we not also possess the capability to make rational, informed decisions? Are we not also the captain of our own ships, masters of our own souls?
The human spirit possesses incredibly ability to elevate itself and those around it, so we should not forget the power that lurks within us.
Therefore, let us not make the mistake of imagining our misery to be our final destination and our circumstances to be truth. Instead, take responsibility for your own life and seize the opportunity to sculpt yourself.
To young students, in particular, I want to leave this message: Your life is what you make of it. There is so much yet that we, in our youth, cannot see; our limited vision, experiences and wisdom cloud our vision, preventing us from being able to appreciate the full extent of the possibilities that lay within our lives.
Your grades, scores, accomplishments, college acceptances all do not define you.
In fact, there is only one thing in this entire world that can define you.
And that’s you.
We have a lot more ownership over our lives than we’re often aware of.
塑造自己 （翻译：阿朵）
“在心目中，为自己建议一个远景，你将来想成为什么样的人？ 仔细的描述这个人，性格特征，机会，技能，社交朋友，甚至地理位置。把这一设想放在你的心中。把它写下来，甚至张贴在浴室的镜子上。 让自己变成这一设想的主人 - 甚至想象你已经成为了那样的人。每天早晨问问自己：我今天做什么事情可以使我和未来保持一致？到了晚上，再问自己：我今天做了什么，使我和未来保持一致？
最后，训练你的大脑，使你成为那个你的精神已经存在的人。“
- 马克·帕特森，通过Quora
我们，对自己生活拥有的自主权，远比我们意识到的要多的多。
我们中的许多人，都会不由自主的为即将面临的一个又一个结果感到深深的忧虑和烦心：我能得到加薪或晋升吗？我会被我梦寐以求的大学接受吗？如果我要和她／他约会，遭到拒绝拒绝怎么办？
我们常常会为这些情况配以不同程度的权重，我并不是说他们是不重要的，通常的情况是，我们常常给予他们的权重，大大超过了它们在我们的生活中实际应该所占的比重。
因为我们这样想，这样做，不可避免地使这样的情形主宰着我们的生活。
如果你认为一个特定的生活决定或结果将确定你自己的核心身份，随着时间的推移，这种信念将被融入在你的灵魂里。你越相信它是真实，它就越接近真实。
我见过一些人，让自己的错误定义主宰自己。这些人没有采取积极的态度，从他们的失误或错误中学习经验，相反，他们选择了沉溺和消极。
我也知道有些人，已经从他们不幸的深处走出，开始重新塑造他们自己。他们的生活因此变得如此的不同，周围的人，都被他们不可思议的转型惊呆。
我有一个朋友, 被他的心仪已久的梦想大学拒绝。一时间，他拒绝接受这样的现实，他认为，自己完全符合那所那所大学的录取标准，那所大学拒绝他，是在他们的招生过程中犯了一个错误。这种后瞻性的思维是如此专注于过去，就像开车一样，前行的时候，只盯着后视镜。那段时间，他极度不快和沮丧，糟糕极了。
终于有一天，他意识到了他在怎么对待自己。
我看到了在以后的日子里，他把他自己的生活彻底转变。他接受了目前的现实，他唯一要做的事情就是如何在他现有的基础上，把事情做得最好。
就在他心态转变的同时，他突然发现，在他的周围，有着许许多多原来他以为只有在他梦想的学校才有的机会，而且还都是他很擅长喜欢的事情。现在，我的这位朋友，正做着一些他很喜欢，很享受，也很有意义的事。他的工作已经赢得了多个奖项和奖励，做自己喜欢做的事，得到社会的认可，无疑，他正走在成功的道路上。
这个真实的故事中，最神奇是，这里没有侥幸。
看看文章开头的那个图像，那个被雕塑的雕塑正在雕塑他自己。每一锤子的凿击，都使那个雕塑更加接近真实的他自己。
我们中的许多人，不知道我们自己到底有大的力量可以塑造自己，就像那位雕塑家塑造他自己的雕塑，我们和他是一样的。难道我们不具备做出理性，明智的决策的能力吗？难道我们不可以成为自己的队长，做自己船的舵手，当自己的灵魂的主人吗？
人类的精神有着令人难以置信的能力，它可以提升自己和周围的人，所以我们不应该忘记潜伏在我们内心的这种权利和能力。
因此，让我们不要犯这样的错误，以为我们的苦难就是是我们的终点，我们的不幸就是现实。相反，我们要为自己的生命负责，抓住机遇，塑造自己。
我特别想和年轻的学弟学妹说几句话：你的生活是你自己创造的。年青的时候，我们有限的思维，经验和智慧局限了我们的视野，使我们不能充分的欣赏和感激我们生活中各种各样的美好和机会。
你的成绩，分数，成就，大学录取，不能定义你自己。
事实上，在这整个世界上，唯一可以定义你自己的，
那就是你。
我们有着比我们自己所知道的更大的自主权，可以定义自己。
| 予微 (2012-10-01 05:52:26) |
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题图的雕塑很震撼！ 文章也像那把锤子一样有力！ |
| 木桐白云 (2012-10-01 12:35:40) |
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理解很深透，自己就是自己设计的，路是自己走出来的，形象也是自己塑造的。 |
| 牧童歌谣 (2012-10-01 12:36:59) |
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阿朵，到底是debate出身的孩子啊！ 这篇文章太有震撼力了！ 我要把它好好打出来，贴在我家冰箱上，不但激励我们两个孩子，也激励我和我老公自己。 真的字字珠玑，句句真理，阿朵从小给孩子喂的什么牌奶粉啊，养这么好的儿子？ |
| 牧童歌谣 (2012-10-01 12:38:52) |
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另外我想起来了，我脑子里对你家老大印象深（因为看你debate系列），对你家双胞胎也印象深（上次东来顺见过），咋对你家老二没啥印象呢？ 啥时候有空也写写你老二，让我们认识认识吧？ |
| 天地一弘 (2012-10-01 13:44:40) |
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好好塑造自己，这是每一个孩子的希望。 |
| 阿朵 (2012-10-01 13:55:42) |
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谢予微，你回帖的速度可真快啊：－）那锤子，也敲我心呢。 |
| 阿朵 (2012-10-01 14:00:26) |
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拼音打mutong，有两个组合，木桐，牧童，你们俩的名字是双胞胎：－） 的确是这样，自己的形象是自己塑造的，自己就是自己的雕塑家。 |
| 阿朵 (2012-10-01 14:13:00) |
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牧童，我第一遍没领会他的文章，觉得有些空洞，翻译的时候，仔细领会，才觉得读懂了。翻译他的东西，有点费劲，得使劲的琢磨才行。他是放养的孩子，高中时也叛逆的很，很有个性，小锤子常常猛敲我的心，搞得我不得不记下来。 老二性格温和的多，比较顺溜，还真是，写他的很少，（不哭的孩子没奶吃？）。不过，目前他已经进入青少年了，开始有脾气了，我又要面临挑战了。以后，一定多写点他敲我心的事情。 |
| 阿朵 (2012-10-01 14:16:28) |
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谢一弘，勤快的一弘。你家公子在美国渡暑假的文章，还没写完吧？ |
| panda13 (2012-10-01 15:45:23) |
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很成熟。做父母的可以放心了。你儿子上大几? |
| 阿朵 (2012-10-01 16:31:00) |
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谢谢panda13。儿子大3. 当父母的心，其实永远都在那，不管他在风里，还是雨里，晴天，还是多云。 |
| 西山 (2012-10-01 17:10:39) |
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阿朵培养的好孩子，我和孩子都要好好学习！ |
| 天地一弘 (2012-10-01 17:25:22) |
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谢阿朵姐提醒，成了懒惰的一弘了。 |
| 海云 (2012-10-01 19:36:30) |
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我会转给出版社，看他们的决定。 |
| 予微 (2012-10-02 04:30:26) |
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你说你要发篇文，我就撑着眼皮一直等啊！ |
| henrysong (2012-10-02 05:53:35) |
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成熟的孩子！ 很多大人，一生也不见得能够理解到这些道理啊！ |
| 牧童歌谣 (2012-10-03 00:04:22) |
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今天我把这篇文章转给我几个生意伙伴看， 她们如获至宝纷纷转发给自己的团队了。 大家感叹，瞧人家孩儿，咋养的？ 把成年人不懂的道理都说明白了！ |
| 阿朵 (2012-10-03 00:33:44) |
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谢谢各位留言。 牧童，他是晚熟的孩子，高中时真的让我挺操心的，好在现在开窍了。 |