亲子成长互助组A女士请来刚从医学院毕业并成为麻醉科住院医生的Dr. Z来分享。下面是A写的简介："Fit Is the Best" - 大学不是终点，却是孩子从少年到成人的重要成长阶段。Dr. Z在高中时或许不是很多人想象中的学霸，但她在大学及医学院中成熟成长，在短短四年时间里，完成医学院的学习，通过三门board exams，并成为麻醉科住院医生。她的成长经历会对许多家庭有启发。
Question 1. Can you please give a brief introduction of yourself and share your experience at various levels of schools by answering the following questions?
I went to Rutgers university for college, and then Ross University for medical school. I will be starting residency this summer for anesthesiology.
Question 2. What have you changed from the time that you graduated from high school?
I learned a lot about what I can accomplish when I really apply myself and put the most effort into my work. In high school and college, I learned about what kind of people I want to surround myself with and did things that made me happy. In medical school, I learned that a lot of hard work and dedication can help you reach your goals.
Question 3. Why do you want to be a doctor? At what age, did you decide to become a doctor?
I wanted to become a doctor my whole life! I never imagined myself doing anything else besides health care. I chose medicine because I really like science classes when I was younger, and I've always been interested in the human body. I also learned that I wanted a job with a more "hands-on" approach, which is why I chose anesthesiology.
Question 4. What have you learned in the path of pursuing medical career?
The main thing I learned is that hard work and dedication can get you anywhere. You don't necessarily have to be the smartest to get through medical school, you just have to have passion and put in your best effort.
Question 5. To many people, medical career is a tough and lonely path. Is there a time that you wanted to quit? What holds you up to work hard to achieve your goal in such a short period of time?
Yes! There have been so many times where I wanted to give up and quit. It's true that it's very lonely and isolating, but I had to remind myself that I had a whole group of med school friends going through the same exact thing! My family also knew I was working very hard, so having their support was important to me.
Question 6. How have your parents influenced you? What is their parenting style?
My parents always gave me freedom and let me choose what path I wanted to take. In college, I wanted to try doing a communications/PR major, because I thought I wanted to be in fashion or marketing. They never forced me to be a doctor. I ended up not liking my communications classes and became a biology major to apply for medical school.
Question 7. Were you a popular kid in elementary, middle and high school? Can you offer some tips on making friends at school?
No, I wasn't popular at all! But I never experienced any bullying either. I think sometimes it's hard for kids to make friends, because they feel intimidated, but I think what I learned in highschool is to just be kind to everyone! You never know what someone else is going through.
Question 8. We appreciate your willingness to share your experience with us. Many teenagers and young people do not like to communicate with adults. What is your thought on that?
I feel like being a teenager is a confusing time! Lots of things are changing in their lives and they are suddenly becoming "young adults" with their own opinions. Sometimes they know that their thoughts or actions may not be agreeable with their parents, so they tend to speak less or become distant. Generally I think teenagers just need guidance when going through middle school and high school, and want to feel like they aren't trapped and can make more adult decisions and choices.
Question 9. Could you comment on the pressure in social circles at high school? If u recall. Particularly among Chinese/Asian community?
I personally didn't feel any pressure in high school. All of my friends where Chinese/Asian, but we never felt the need to "compete" or compare ourselves.
Question 10. Why do you think anesthesiology is a more "hands-on" approach?
Anesthesiology is more hands on because in the operating room the anesthesiologist takes care of the breathing and medication during the surgery.
Question 11. How to empower kids who feels lost in high school? How to help parents deal with their own pressure of comparing their own kids with others all the time?
For kids who feel lost in highschool, just let them know that you are always there for them, and offer your support. Know that your kid is doing the best they can! Comparing kids is not only bad for your kids, but also bad for yourself. Everyone learns differently.
Question 12. A lot of parents expect their kids to exceed them, but the reality may be the opposite. So any magic to teach these high standards parents to ease down their expectation? in San Francisco area, we have parents who were so depressed because their kids did not get into parents' dream colleges. Many Asian parents want kids to go to medical schools. However not every kid is suitable to practice medicine and many may not get in even if they do want. What are the kinds of alternative careers?
It's mostly understanding that high grades aren't everything! Getting into the top colleges or medical schools is not everything. Parents should try to teach their kids why it's important to get these grades, and open their eyes to how high grades/good school can open more doors for opportunities, but it's not everything. You can attend an average school and still do very well!
If your kids don't want to go into medical school, don't force them! It's not worth the time and effort for both the kid and parents.
Other health care jobs that are just as good: nursing/nurse practitioner, PA school (physician assistant), public health jobs, social work, radiology technicians, EMTs, physical therapy, dentistry, pharmacy,
Most of my friends from college aren't in health care at all! Some of them are in operations, finance, accounting, data analysis, marketing, sales, graphic design, engineering.
Question 13. Do you need to take specific lessons in college if you want to become a doctor?
Yes to be a doctor you need to take some prerequisite classes for the MCATs, but you can still be any major to get into medical school. Doesn't have to be related to science.
Question 14. Do you have any specific advice for parents of teenagers on communicating with their children?
I would say just let them know that you are always there if they need to talk. Trying to pry or force them to talk will only make them become more distant. They will eventually come back to you if they really need help.
Question 15. What do you enjoy the most in college?
Making friends, freedom, learning how to live by myself.
Question 16. Could you please share which Year in med school you have to decide specialty in medical school? In order to be anesthesiologist, how many years of special training and education are required?
You have to decide when you apply for residency, which is usually the middle of fourth year. However, students can take a gap year after graduating to apply too! So whenever you apply, is when you decide.
Anesthesiology is a total of 4 years, one year of either internal medicine or surgery, and then 3 years of anesthesiology.
After residency you can specialize even further, which is one more year. But you don't have to if you don't want to. There're focused fields in anesthesiology such as: pediatrics, critical care, ob/gyn, pain, cardiothoracic, neurosurgical. Fellowship is always 1 year for anesthesiology.
Dr. Z 分享之后，她的母亲L加入了后续讨论。这是采访者A女士的介绍：Dr. Z's parents are a very happy, relaxing, open minded couple. They always support and enjoy their daughters. She was not a 学霸in high school, but she ended up very successful after college. Good parenting and inspiring story.
燕子对L女士的介绍：从我认识L就被她的活力吸引，十几年竟越来越年轻。有着自己的世界，而不是helicopter parents，像前面提到的一些家长把孩子上学当作实现自己梦想的目标。
Q1: 一些家长跟高中生子女经历了不少矛盾（fights）。你有什么经验？What was Rena like when she was in high school? Was R very independent? Was she ever rebellious?
L（分享了几段语音，没有一句句整理）：主要出发点是爱孩子，设身处地的为他她们想吧，他们很不容易。多听、观察他们，及时给与支持。孩子们所经历的困难，家长们未必能想象。给他们支持我个人感觉是非常重要的一件事。让们知道，他/她永远可以回到你这里！
记得去年高中毕业，有很多孩子都是4.0以上，这些全A的小朋友比得很厉害，有来自自己的，有来自家长的各个方面的压力... 所谓“优秀”的孩子一样，有时候可能更多的压力烦恼。家长的支持实际对任何一个小朋友都非常重要！
【感谢A女士组织了互助群第一次两代人对话。其他访谈见下面链接】
http://overseaswindow.com/home/node/25944
http://overseaswindow.com/home/node/25937