Life, a mystery of miseries
Nothing more than incessant thoughts
And feelings
Of doubts and fear
That dwell deep inside
They well up now and then
To engulf me
Trapped in nescience
I spent countless hours
Mulling over the thoughts
Not knowing whence they originate
Not knowing what they mean
But experiencing the palpable tastes
Of bitterness and anger
Anxiety and disillusion
Day by day I plod the earth
A wretch in daydream
A cauldron of feelings
Unpleasant and ominous
Sitting on a smoldering fire
Brewing in gloom
Time and again they bubble up
Forcing me to savor
The convoluted mixture
Unable to discern the contents
Unable to extricate from the woe
I slump into despair
Yet I dare not open the lid
Lest I am completely destroyed
Neither I dare smash the vessel
Lest I cease to exist
The cauldron confines me
The feelings define me
I don’t know how to be me
Dark thoughts
Uneasy feelings
Like monstrous waves
Crush on me from all sides
Drowned in their dark abyss
I keep wrestling them for dominance
Until we become Siamese twins
Inseparable but pugnacious
They attack me incessantly
They take possession of me
They win one battle after another
Sometimes cajoling, sometimes harassing
Like shapeless demons
They come and go as they please
Leaving me in utter paralysis
What am I?
Am I my own thoughts?
Am I my own feelings?
Thoughts are torture
Feelings are disease
Life a dream I cannot awake from
Forever imprisoned
In my own mind
In desperation
I call out to the wind passing by
“Tell me how
Tell me why”
I fret, I beg, I cry
“Cast away the spell
Set me free!”
After countless ages
My prayers are answered
“Thou are not thy body
Thou are not thy mind
Thou are that!”
At last I get the word
Dump out all thoughts
Break the cauldron in pieces
Let light enter
Om so hum!
Om, shanti, shanti, shanti!