Susan著 小哭译
星期六晚上最后一场表演之后，我们在M家举办了一场只有八年级生参加的聚会。这个聚会可能是我生命中曾经参加过的最重要的聚会。
当第四场表演完后，每个人都因为音乐剧结束了而悲伤哭泣。我们花了那么长的时间进行排练，而结束竟然来得如此之快。这事儿对八年级生来说尤其难受，因为这是我们在HMS的最后一年。这也是为什么我们决定在最后一场表演之后在M家聚会。
我是搭G家的车过去的，G是另一个副导演。当我们到达时，每个人都已经止住了哭泣，房间里充满了欢乐的笑声。我们在逆袭上看了一集“我怎么遇到了你妈妈”。看电视的时候，35个人都挤在地板上和沙发里，一些人还坐在别人的腿上。相互间如此地近距离，让我们感觉好像大家真的是一个大家庭，尽管事实上我和其中的许多人从来都没有说过话。
看完电视后，我们讨论接下来干什么。每个人都有话说，不管E和J说了多少次，我也让他们闭嘴，以便一次只有一个人讲话，他们还是在相互交谈着。有人建议我们玩“亲爱的，如果你爱我，请你、请你笑一笑”。这个建议获得了很多人的同意欢呼，于是有人爬到桌子上开始给那些不知道怎么玩的人解释规则。这个游戏的要点就是当别人向你说这个游戏的名字时不要笑。很不好意思地说，我们很多演员根本做不到。
让人啼笑皆非的是：扮演主角儿的演员甚至在别人开始讲之前就笑了，而不是演员的J，根本就没有笑。不久，这个游戏变成了“谁能让J笑一笑谁就赢！”。令人伤心的是，我们全输了。
我们每一次让J笑一笑的努力都失败了。慢慢地，大家对此不感兴趣了，最后我们不玩了，这个游戏也就结束了。我们去玩另一个游戏，但是也不怎么好玩儿，因为人太多了，不可能每一个人都有份儿。然后，有人建议我们发表讲演。我们真的都很喜欢这个主意，特别是那些之前哭过的人，因为他们有很多话想说。然而，让每个人都安静下来听别人说话很难，所以我们想出“说话熊”的点子：拿着塑料熊形软糖罐的人可以讲话，别的人都听他说。即使这很怪异，特别是每个人都开始为一个塑料熊而战了，但这方法最后管用了！这个熊后来在E（她扮演那个恶毒的汉尼根太太）的手里停了下来，于是我们都安静下来听她开始说。太好了。
在她的讲演中，E说到她是多么地感谢每一个人，特别是那些男生，就算多数男生演的都是小小的配色。她说她觉得不可能再有一个更好的音乐舞台剧家庭了，没有人可以取代我们。她这样来结束讲话“音乐舞台剧永不结束，对不对？表演的结束并不是意味着我们这个大家庭的结束。”她的讲话获得了欢呼和“我们爱你，汉尼根太太！”这句台词，但是这次这句台词的意思不是剧中的讽刺意味，而是它原本的意思。
E的精彩讲演之后，MJ（扮演安妮）上来讲。即使她在讲话的时候在微笑，但是显然刚才她一直在哭，而且她还在努力控制着不哭。她说了最甜蜜的事情，告诉大家我们是她所能希望得到的最好的剧组，并且在她所参演的所有音乐舞台剧中，“安妮”是她最喜欢的。我们对她微笑，和她一起大笑，当她讲完后，我们都开始抹眼泪。
那晚我照了许多照片，记录了开始几个人的讲演。但是然后，当他们讲的话题越来越趋于个性化时，大家开始哭泣，我关闭了录像机。M的讲演真的很动情，主要是因为她感冒了，加上之前还哭过，所以她的声音很有磁性，听起来是那么地悲伤。她这样开始她的讲演，“我想告诉你们所有人一个故事，关于一个女孩在八年级开始时，对她自己没有多少信心的故事……”，我们专心地听着，在好玩的地方大笑，在并不那么高兴的时候伤心地点头同意。当她结束时，真的是在哭。她一边抽泣一边说：“现在音乐舞台剧……并没有结束，因为它永远也不会结束……但是当表演结束时，这个女孩……她意识到……你们这群人太棒了……我是这么地爱你们！”
她的讲演之后，大家开始拥抱，聚会之前哭泣的那些人又开始哭泣。我为自己没有哭泣感到很不好。我伤心于音乐舞台剧的结束，我被他们的讲演所打动，但是我还没有动情到要哭的地步。接下来又讲了很多，大家开始说他们在家里的生活并不是最好的，而“安妮”照亮了他们的生活。然后，开始有人离开。那些发完言的人先离开，不久剩下的人不足15个。到这时为止，所有的讲演一直是围绕着对每个人的感谢以及对“安妮”的赞美这两个方面。但是，接下来，B上场了。
B通常是一个相当不错的家伙，总是在排练时跟每个人打招呼，总是看起来很成熟也不会出什么错。他演***，他做得很好。然而，他现在站在那里，样子与平时很不同。他对着地板盯了一会儿，然后抬起头看着大家说：“不久前……我爸爸失业了。”这话让每一个人屏住了呼吸。然后，他说接着他妈妈又得了乳腺癌，他们家不得不搬到一个较小的公寓里住，因为他们住不起独立屋了。讲到这儿，他开始哭泣。他告诉我们他是怎么样地失去了生活的希望，又是怎么样试着离家出走的。他跑了三英里出去，感觉不到了腿的存在，然后警察找到了他，把他带了回来。他不想回家，他不想面对父母也不想回去上学。“我妈妈逼着我参加音乐舞台剧，但是我并不想参加。”他说：“现在……我很高兴我参加了。”
这个故事终于让我哭了起来。我满眼泪水，止也止不住。并不是只有我才这样。先前哭泣的人现在哭得更厉害了，甚至男生们也开始抹眼泪。我们每一个人突然间开始因为B的私人故事觉得大家是如此地亲密。B的讲演敲开了一扇门，我们开始展示自己的内心世界。他之后，别的人也跟进，分享了他们的困惑，还有他们感觉是多么地孤独，以及他们是如何地觉得没有朋友，他们是怎么样地被人欺凌，他们是怎么样地被人取笑，最后：“安妮”是如何地成为了他们能够抓得住的快乐。
我从不知道这些人都在遭遇着困扰。在音乐舞台剧排练和上学时，我看他们都过着非常不错的生活。他们总是微笑着、开心着，我认为他们有着许多的朋友并且很受欢迎。我从来也不知道他们感觉如此地不安，有人抑郁到甚至去自杀。我一点也不知道他们的家庭生活正在破碎，也不知道他们正在受欺凌。突然间，我意识到什么：你所看到的并不是真的。人们总是在他们的公开生活中演着剧，他们展示其好的一面给别人看、藏起令自己伤心与破碎的一面。然而，现实是，他们与我一样地不安与不自在。那夜很晚的时候，我们分享了部分悲伤，我们说着，我们哭着，我们相互间紧紧地抓在一起。我意识到我有多么地不了解他们，即使我已经与他们一起在音乐舞台剧里呆了四个月了。
最后，几乎每个人都离开了。剩下的最后六个人哭得一塌糊涂。我们平静了一些后，坐在一起，觉得有点不自然，因为我们都在大家面前哭泣了。我给父母打电话，他们过来接上我回家，远离了聚会的状态。终于结束了。
现在我回家了，不管E说了什么，音乐舞台剧已经结束了，我才突然间意识到这个剧对于我意味着啥。我不会只谈这个聚会，还会再谈谈排练和表演。这原来是一个如此美好的经历。我简直无法相信我以前竟然觉得排练很枯燥！我已经与他们全部都成了这么亲密的朋友了。B、M、J、C、E、JO……我们之间远不是几个一起表演过的孩子而已。我们之间有着更多，我们彼此之间已经紧密相连。我们真的是一个音乐舞台剧大家庭。
“不要为结束了悲伤，要为发生过高兴。”
——摘自……我也不知道是谁说的话，但是这话看起来非常地适合。
【小哭介绍背景】昨天很晚了，Susan才把这篇小文给我。本来我还有一些别的翻译计划，可是我被她的这篇文章打动了，决定先译这篇。打动我的不止是她的文字，还有她整个周末的婆娑泪眼。我从没见过她是如此是属于某一个集体，我为她因着这个课后活动的成长变化而感动着。她的文章中提到了太多的人了，我边翻译边想，这文章适不适合发表呢？不发表吧太可惜了；发表的话，如何才能做到不伤害其中的任何一个孩子呢？最后我想可能不仅仅是要把他们的名字用字母代表，连他们所扮演的角色信息我也不能透露。
话说音乐舞台剧的四场表演，安排在周四晚、周五晚、周六下午和周六晚。我们家买的是周六下午场的票，而周五中午我去学校当志愿者卖票时，最后竟然卖光了周五晚上那一场的票！（八美元一张票并不是很便宜，但绝对是超值！）周六晚上这个聚会的通知是在我们出门看演出的时候主办家庭才通过邮件通知出来的，我是在观看表演的时候听邻坐晚到的一个爸爸说才知道的。支持孩子参加聚会是责无旁贷的，不过我们的支持力度真的没什么，仅仅做到了“相当于不反对”而已：（因为我们周六晚上要在同一个教会的两个场地，参加两个团聚活动，从下午五点半到晚上十点，还要带两场饭，因此四点钟看完下午场的表演，六点钟送Susan参加晚场的演出，之后也实在不可能在八点钟再提供Susan他们从学校到同学家的交通了。
通知中说聚会在晚上11点结束，所以当11点半了还没有接到Susan的电话时，我说打个电话问一下情况吧。话音刚落，Susan的电话就过来了，接起一听，孩子在电话里哭呢。Susan说：妈妈，我们现在还没有结束，刚才有同学分享了非常感人的故事，我们还要继续，等一会要你接的时候我再打电话给你。好吧，继续等吧，我充满了好奇，到底发生了什么？
Susan很快就打电话让我们去接她回家了，回来后一直在哭泣。我们让她简单介绍一下聚会的情况，她说这个聚会太好了！太感人了！她从来都不知道原来有那么多的人在生活中都遭遇着困苦，原来那些看似简单的人其实很有内涵，都远不是外表所表现出来的那么单纯快乐。最让她震惊的是，一些看起来非常受欢迎的人竟然内心孤独，觉得自己没有亲密的朋友！而她一直以为只有她自己没有亲密的朋友呢！两周前，Susan从橡树园的冬令营回家之后，哭了一整周，告诉我们说她突然间意识到自己没有亲密的朋友，没有朋友来分享她的秘密、痛苦和焦虑。她突然间对于亲密的朋友有了极其强烈的渴望！！那时她以为只是她自己没有亲密的朋友，别的人似乎都是从小生于斯长于斯，都有了稳固的朋友圈和亲密的朋友了。现在发现原来还有那么多的同学也都被这个问题深深地困扰着。不知道这一发现会不会让她感觉好受一些？原来她“并不是一个人在战斗！”
对于Susan说的“突然间，我意识到什么：你所看到的并不是真的。人们总是在他们的公开生活中演着剧，他们展示其好的一面给别人看、藏起令自己伤心与破碎的一面。然而，现实是，他们与我一样地不安与不自在。”，Susan的干妈颇为喜欢这句话，说这句是“颇有深度的感悟”。而我也想起了她在和我们介绍聚会的简况时，提到的克拉林老师平时跟他们说的一句话，大意是：不要对别人不友好，因为你不知道哪一个人正在遭受着什么样的苦难。Susan说以前一直不理解这句话的含义，现在明白了。
B的问题，让我和Susan爸爸都受不了了。我们半夜里商量，如何才能对这个孩子施上援手。在这个学区，我们家的经济能力是垫底级别的，我们肯定是提供不了经济上的支持，但是我觉得我们的家庭气氛还是相当地不错的，是否可以请孩子来家里玩呢？那样做会不会太唐突了呢？最后我们决定第二天跟牧师请教，一个是牧师遇到的苦难多，另一个牧师是白人，应该更懂得处理这类事情的文化背景。牧师给的建议是，不要只给口头上的“同情”，要拿出实际行动，比如买个礼物卡什么的。可是Susan告诉我们，平时她和这个同学根本就没有说过话，好像没有一起上的课程。那样的话 ，一个并不能解决什么问题的礼物卡，直接送过去还是太突然了。于是我们和Suasn商量，让她用电子邮件试着和这个同学建立起联系。按照牧师的建议，开始的交流最好能够让人感同身受，比如Susan介绍一下自己搬家过来后所面临的那些困惑，让B觉得Susan和他在一个战壕里。于是，这事儿就又交回到了Susan手里了。按牧师的意思，我们为这个孩子祷告更为重要。于是，每天晚饭时的饭前祷告，我们开始把B加了进来。Susan其实并不是一个非常关心别人的人，我深为她这两天在祷告时一直都记得B而感动。
我问Susan她在聚会上的讲演内容是什么，她说她讲的是我们家一直在搬家，导致她没有朋友。她似乎并不太愿意多谈这个话题。搬家确实会给孩子带来困难，但这困难如果没有大到压垮孩子，我就认为困难是对孩子的历练，挺过去就好了。所谓的“不经历风雨，怎么见彩虹”？
我在Susan出门参加最后一场表演时，让她在晚上的聚会上，找机会和女主人介绍一下她的拍片俱乐部，看看是否能够得到女主人的支持。但是Susan说周六晚上的气氛非常地感性，不适合说俱乐部这个话题，所以直到临走前，她才找到机会和女主人极其简单地提了一下俱乐部的事儿。我问她女主人的反应，她说人家似乎是很吃惊，但是写下了邮箱让她给妈妈。我问吃惊什么?Susan说是吃惊于半夜里大家哭得稀里哗啦的时候，她竟然说起了一个完全与“安妮”无关的话题。嗯，“安妮”虽然令大家难忘，但是表演已经结束了，大家的生活还要继续啊。我说你的俱乐部，正好可以团结一些喜欢表演的孩子，希望通过聚会这个契机，把俱乐部的成员充实起来，这样才能让“安妮大家庭”继续啊。
我昨天给发起聚会的女主人写了一封言词恳切的长长的邮件，希望能够争取到这位这家长对俱乐部的支持。Susan爸笑我在Susan的事情上投入太多了，真的象个“经纪人”似的了。
附上英文原文：
Annie 8th Graders Cast Party
After our last show on Saturday evening, we had an 8th-graders only party at the M’s house. That party was probably one of the most important party I have ever went to in my life.
When the fourth show finished, everyone was crying because they were sad that it was over. We spent so long practicing, and it was over so quickly. It was especially hard for the 8th graders, because it was our last year at HMS. That’s why we decided to have a party at the M’s house after our last show.
I caught a ride with G----, the other Assistant Director. When we got there, everybody had stopped crying, and animated voices and laughter filled the house. We watched an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” on Nexflix. During the episode, all 35 of us were crammed together on the floor and on the couch, with some sitting in others’ laps. Being so close to eachother made it feel like we were all one big family, despite the fact that I’ve never talked to a lot of the people there.
After the episode, we debated about what we should do next. Everybody had something to say, and no matter how many times E---- and J--- and I told them to shut up and talk one at a time, they stilled talked over each other. Somebody suggested we play “Honey, if you love me, would you please, please smile”. There were a lot of cheers following that suggestion, so someone climbed up onto the table and explained the rules to those who didn’t know how to play. The main point of the game was to not smile when someone else says the name of the game to you. I’m ashamed to say, for a bunch of actors, we failed miserably.
It was ironic: the actor who played the main character started laughing before the other person even started talking, while J---, who is not an actor, didn’t smile at all. Soon, the game just turned into “whoever can make J--- smile wins!” Sadly, we all lost.
After we failed every attempt to make J--- smile, the game sort of died out. Slowly, people stopped paying attention, and eventually we stopped playing. We played another game, but that wasn’t very fun either, because there were too many people so not everybody got a turn. Then, somebody suggested we make speeches. We all really liked that idea, especially those who were crying ealier, because they had a lot to say. However, it was hard to get everyone to quiet down and listen to one person, so we devised the concept of the Talking Bear: whomever is holding the plastic gummy bear container can talk, and we all listen to that person. Even though it was weird, especially when everyone started fighting over a plastic bear, it worked in the end! The Bear finally ended up in E----’s hands (she’s the girl who played the evil Miss Hannigan), and we all settled down to listen to her speak. It was beautiful.
During her speech, E---- talked about how thankful she was to everyone, especially the boys, even though most of the boys only had small roles. She talked about how she couldn’t have wished for a better musical family, how nobody can ever replace us. She ended her speech with “The musical never ends, okay? Just because the performances ended doesn’t mean that we ever stop being a family.” Her speech was met with cheers and shouts of “We love you Miss Hannigan!”, a line from the musical that was intended to be sarcastic, but in that case meant exactly that.
After E----’s beautiful speech, MJ--- (who played Annie) went up and gave her’s. Even though she was smiling as she spoke, it was clear that she had been crying moments ago, and she was still struggling not to cry. She said the sweetest things, telling us that we were the best cast she could ever wish for, and out of all of the musicals she has done, “Annie” was her favorite. We smiled and laughed with her, and when she was done, we were all wiping at our eyes.
I took a lot of pictures that night, and recorded the first couple of speeches. But then, as they got more and more personal, and as people started crying, I turned the camera off. M----’s speech was really emotional, mainly because she had a cold and was crying earlier, so her voice was cracking and she sounded so sad. She began with “I would like to tell you all a story. A story about a girl, who, at the beginning of 8th grade, didn’t have a lot of confidence in herself…” We listened intently, laughing at the funny moments, and nodding sadly in understanding at the not-so-happy moments. When she ended, she was literally crying, saying between sniffles “By the time the musical…not ended, cuz it’s never gonna end…but by the time it finished performing, this girl…she realized…that you guys are amazing…and I love you so much!”
There were hugs following her speech, and many people who were crying earlier before the party were crying again. I felt bad for not crying. I was sad that the musical was done, and I was touched by the speeches, but I wasn’t emotional enough that I was going to cry. Many more speeches followed, with people saying how their lives at home were not the best, but Annie brightened up their day. Then, people started leaving. The people who already gave their speeches left first, and soon there were less than fifteen people left. So far, all the speeches had been mostly about thanking everyone and praising Annie, but then, B---- took the stage.
B---- is usually a really nice guy, always saying hi to everyone at the rehearsals, always being mature and not goof around. He played ***, and he did a great job. However, as he went up there, his demeanor was different. He stared at the ground for a few seconds, then lifted his head to look at us and said: “A while ago….my father lost his job.” That drew gasps from everyone. And then, he proceeded to talk about how his mother then got breast cancer, and they had to move to a smaller apartment because they couldn’t afford their house. At that point, he just started crying. He told us how he lost his hope in life, how he tried to run away. He ran for three miles, he couldn’t feel his legs, and then the police got him and brought him back. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to face his parents and go back to school. “My mom forced me to do the musical, but I didn’t want to.” He said. “Now…I’m so glad I did it.”
That story finally made me cry. Tears filled my eyes, and I couldn’t stop. And I wasn’t the only one. Everyone who was crying earlier cried even harder, and even the boys were dabbing at their eyes. We suddenly felt so much closer to eachother because of B----’s personal story. B----’s speech was what finally opened the gate of confessions. After him, others stepped up and shared their troubles, about how lonely they were, how they felt like they didn’t have friends, how they were bullied, how they were made fun of, and finally: how Annie had been the thing they could hang on to.
I never knew that all these people had so many troubles bothering them. During the musical rehearsals and at school, I see them as perfect people who had their lives all together. They were always smiling and cheerful, and I thought they had lots of friends and were really popular. I never knew they felt so insecure, that they were depressed and even suicidal. I had no idea that their home lives were falling apart, or that they were being bullied. Suddenly, I realized something: what you see is usually not the truth. People always put on a show when they’re in public, they show the good things and hide the sadness and brokeness. However, in reality, they are just as insecure and self-concious as me. Late that night, we shared some of that sadness, we talked, we cried, and we held on to eachother. I realized just how little I knew about any of them, even though I’ve been in a musical with them for four months.
Finally, almost everybody had left. The remaining six of us were all out of tears. We calmed down somewhat, and after sitting around and feeling awkward since we just cried in front of eachother, I called my parents. They came and picked me up, and I went back home, away from the magic of the party. It was finally over.
Now that I’m back home and, despite what E---- says, the musical has ended, I’m suddenly realizing just how much it meant to me. And I’m not just talking about the party, but also about the practices and rehearsals. It had been such a wonderful experience. I can’t believe I used to find rehearsals boring! I had became such close friends with them all. B, M, J, C, E, J… we were more than just a few kids who performed together. We were something more, we were connected to eachother. We were truly a musical family.
“Don’t be sad that it’s over, be glad that it happened.”
quote by…I don’t really know, but it seems appropriate to go right here
| 安琪 (2014-03-08 18:13:45) |
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小哭谢谢你一直坚持不懈地分享女儿的作品和成长之路！我计划都收藏好等我女儿再大一点给她看。我相信会对她非常有用的。 |
| 周小哭 (2014-03-08 21:10:07) |
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谢谢安琪！！我有给她的作品出书的念头，源于一个朋友提出来愿意成为她的赞助人之一。可是八年级还有一少半儿没过完，我现在的时间只能用来埋头翻译，还没有精力细想。等到时机成熟，希望到时候你会给她更多的建议。其实她自从六岁在国内上学时起， 每年都至少有一、二百篇作文。我一直在想如果能够再有点时间，我应该把她初来美国时的作文整理出来。唉，时间不够用，小宝的教育也上来了，我一翻译就觉得挤了家务的时间，做家务的时候就觉得挤了教育小宝的时间，每天紧忙，还总是时间不够用：（ |
| 心桥 (2014-03-12 16:13:51) |
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Susan 写得太好了，小哭翻译的也很到家！“你所看到的并不是真的。人们总是在他们的公开生活中演着剧，他们展示其好的一面给别人看、藏起令自己伤心与破碎的一面。然而，现实是，他们与我一样地不安与不自在。” Susan 这个年纪体会到的，我３０岁以后才发现。在中学能找到自己这样投入的活动很幸运，谢谢小哭分享。 |
| 周小哭 (2014-03-12 17:07:22) |
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谢谢心桥欣赏：）susan思考能力是不错，可是她明白道理也难以应用，估计要等到30岁的时候才知道如何应用在生活中：） |