Susan著 小哭译
我扔掉垃圾，抬起头，看到了墙上贴着的一张海报大小的宣传画，一下子惊得下巴都要掉下来了，不得不往后倒退了几步，差一点绊倒在一张桌子里。
“你没事吧？”麦克从柜台那边叫道。
“没-没事儿，我还好。”
我又看了一眼海报。这-不-可-能！不用费什么劲儿我就看清楚了从那幅巨大的图画里向下对着我微笑的人。我的男孩子们，我们的男孩子们，他们自然的样子那么完美。我曾经花过无数个小时的时间去听他们四个人歌唱、还跟着哼唱。
“永远年青”——我最喜欢的摇滚歌手，我这辈子最崇拜的四个男孩。肖恩，他的头发每周都会换成不同的颜色，鼓手；卢克，黑头发，键盘手；凯尔，金色的头发，有的时候演奏低音乐器；最后一个是最特别的，完美的亚历克斯，部分深金色或浅棕色的卷发衬托出了一张棱角分明的脸，领唱，有时也是吉它手。
我摇了摇头，强把目光从他的脸上挪开去看海报上面的字。星期六晚上八点的演出票已经售完。
哇，一些幸运的粉丝明天晚上就能够见到他们了，多么希望我也能去啊！我一直想看他们的现场演唱会，谁说就实现不了呢？也许某天我就会有机会，也许机会就会出现在我待在这里的时候呢。那样的话，随着我的“到洛杉矶去”和“参观好莱坞”的梦想成真，我的另一个梦想也会实现了。我希望……哦，算了，许愿不会有什么作用的。天已经很晚了，我得赶紧找到预订的旅馆，好给海迪打个电话。和海迪的这个通话会很不容易。
我转向柜台：“嗯，麦克，我能借一张洛杉矶的地图用吗？”
他对我竖起了眉毛：“借？你的意思是说，你会还回来吗？”他取笑着我。
“对不起！能给我一张洛杉矶的地图吗？”我对他大笑，做出走向门口的姿势，“我在想明天要出去转一转。”
“好的。”他转过头，开始在计算机旁边的一堆纸里翻着，“我有一张在这儿来着。不用给我钱。”当我往外掏钱包时他加了后面那句。哇！他可真是一个好人。如果在洛杉矶的每一个人都象他这么友好的话，那我肯定会喜欢上这里。我觉得在他旁边待着挺舒服……还很熟悉，好像我曾经在哪里和他相识似的。真奇怪啊。
“不客气。欢迎你随时来访！”
推开门，我迈进夏日那温暖的夜色中。靠着一个路灯杆，我把地图拿出来打开。
一个小纸片从两页纸中间飘落到了街道上，我弯腰捡了起来。当我看到那上面是什么时，禁不住瞪大了双眼、张开了嘴巴，我一边挥着手一边举起它，看着灯光落在这张纸片上。噢，上帝啊！我发誓，我的心都停跳了。这好得简直令人无法相信啊！
我将纸片翻过来，看到后面有个留言：拿去好好享受吧，傻瓜。我又翻回前面。和身后商店里的海报一模一样的眼神正从票的一角盯着我呢，我都不敢往下再看了。是的，绝对是一张演唱会的门票。
一张明天晚上去看“永远年青”演唱会的门票。
Susan著 小哭译
*从这开始进入故事的深处。凯茜正活在她的梦里，或说得更具体一点，她正在与“永远年青”演唱组合生活在一起。我不会尝试解释那是怎么回事儿，因为那是一个很长的故事。*
今晚有聚会。更特别的是，聚会将在一个小时后开始。我们要在几分钟后出发。而我现在还没有准备好。
詹尼弗和利拉与肖恩和卢克今天早些时候就走了，他们将和我们在聚会上相见。就是说，我不得不自己化好妆并做好诸如此类的乱七八糟的事情。我实在不知道该怎么办，所以我准备就这么自然而然地去。涂涂眉毛，上点浅色的润唇膏，再……那就是我所知道的全部了。我用了一些肖恩的定型水，他不会介意的。我相当地有把握他甚至都注意不到！他整个卫生间的柜子里都装满了弄头发的东西，女人的、男人的、男女都能用的……哇。所以，我确信用他一点点定型水没什么。
深吸了一口气后，我关上灯，走到门口穿鞋。那双可笑的高跟鞋……哎，按詹尼弗的标准，那是我拥有的唯一算得上“可被接受的”的行头。她曾经要帮我买多一些，但我礼貌地拒绝了。
小豪华轿车的喇叭又响了起来，我打开门挥了挥手，告诉他们再等一秒钟。我站好，把头发拢到后面，既紧张又兴奋地微笑着。该走了！
把门关上后，我一摇一摆地向豪华轿车走去。门从里面打开了，我径直迈了进去。哇，真宽敞啊，只有卢克(译者注：怀疑名字写错了，卢克不是已经提前走了吗？)、亚历克斯和我。卢克在这儿真好。我和亚历克斯单独坐在车的后排……自从发生了上周的事情之后，这并不怎么好。我转过头来，看到亚历克斯正盯着我看，嘴微微地张着。我睁大了眼睛。哇，他看起来……真漂亮。他的卷发仍旧是乱蓬蓬的，但不知道为什么，他那样看起来更有魅力。他一直那样盯着我看，我的眼神开始紧张起来，不再看他。豪华轿车从人行道上启动了，我紧张得吸了一口气。好吧，就这样了。我将在美国参加的第一个聚会。
Susan著 小哭译
*这是故事中间部分的尾部/结尾部分的开始。眼下，凯茜躺在医院的病床上，亚历克斯也是如此。亚历克斯刚刚恢复到可以走动。我甚至没有试着去给出一个要点回顾。如果你不知道最好，相信我*
我甚至无法描述，看到他的脸时我心中的痛。伤害、震惊、厌恶、懊悔还有失望，他眼神里的这些表情都让我觉得自己简直是行走在地球上的最低级的生物。当我开始意识到眼睛有点蛰得慌时，我的心早已经破碎了。
他那漂亮的祖母绿般的眼睛没有象仅仅一小时之前那样地闪烁着了。它们看起来了无生气，旁边还有些粉红色，泪水润湿了双眼。我让他哭了。
现实真的很残酷。一想到他再也不会看到他眼里常见的那个我的样子了，我就深受打击。
他一瘸一拐地走了进来。我注意到他拄着拐杖，头上包着纱布，手上的绷带缠到了手腕处，其余的伤则包在医院的病服袍里。看到他这个样子，我转向别处。亚历克斯，亚历克斯，亚历克斯……
亚历克斯震惊地看着我，他的眼睛瞪得老大、边上有些瘀伤，泪水在不断地往外流。“谁，是哪个该死的对你做了这些？出了什么事了？凯茜，请，请不要再瞒着我！”
我盯着他，我不知道说什么好，对不起……“我，我……”
“为什么？！”他叫道，站了起来。听着他那绝望的声音，我退缩了。我的声音消失了，我整个身体开始失去知觉。我无法说话。就算是能，我又能说什么呢？
现在我的眼里只有他的脸。我一直在试法回避这张脸，一直在用谎话和借口回避着他的责问和审视。
“凯茜！那个畜生为什么对你做了这些？！！”他的话因为哭泣停了下来。他开始在房间里踱步，但是没有拐杖的他差一点就摔倒了，于是他靠在我床边的墙上。亚历克斯使劲地眨了眨眼睛，声音稍微安静了一点、但也还是跟喊出来差不多：“怎么回事……为什么？我以为你信任我们！！我们应该能够帮助你！我以为你是一个战士！”他喊道，每一个字都敲打着我的心。门又打开了，别的男孩子们走了进来。噢，不……
他们都露出了和亚历克斯同样的表情。就是那样。我的心甚至都不存在了，它已经被撕得粉碎扔到火里烧没了。我希望我死了……
“我，我……我不知道说，说什么……”我试着说出来一些能够让人明白的字。每一个人的头都转向了地板，除了亚历克斯。他一直盯着我。
门第三次打开了，这次是谁……?
是塞莱斯特。她从男孩子们身边经过，径直向我走来。盯着我看了几秒钟后，她转头看向男孩子们。
“亚历克斯 ，让她安静下来。”她的声音没有一点异样。我感激地攥着她的手，她向我点点头。
亚历克斯没有动。卢克挽起他的胳膊。“来吧，亚历克斯。她刚从地狱里走了一遭。”听起来他伤透了心，但还是信任着我。那，怎么说呢？那是一个你再也不想听到的声音…..永远，永远也不想听到。
“我，我只是无法相信这……”亚历克斯重复着。我邹了邹眉，抬起头看着他，我的泪水在无声地流着。哽咽着，我说了几个字：
“哪部分，亚历克斯？你不相信哪一部分？”
“哪部分？你没有一丝理由任人伤害的这部分！”他的声音很大，充满了极度的痛苦。我又往后缩了一下。这下，他按了一个不应该按的按钮。没有理由？
“你根本不知道是怎么回事儿！”我冲着他喊了回去。都是为了你亚历克斯，全是为了你！卢克试着把他拽走，可他反而靠了过来。
“好吧，我不知道，那你为什么不解释？”他朝着我直喘气。
塞莱斯特走过去推开了他。终于他不喊了，拄着拐杖一瘸一拐地走向了男孩子们。我盯着他们，不知道该干什么、该想什么、该说什么。
“你们，全都出去。”她的声音严厉但平静。
男孩子们出去前带着极为痛苦眼神看了我最后一眼，亚历克斯看的时间最长。塞莱斯特则温柔地看着我：“没事了，凯茜。我马上要参加一个会议，一会就回来。一切都会好起来的。”说完，她关上门，留下了我一个人。
我独自一人。
【小哭介绍背景】我开始觉得这个青涩的爱情故事很好看，可是随着情节的发展，看到后来我的眼泪总是在眼里转，有些细节还描写得挺催泪的。其实她的小说有一个致命的硬伤，就是凯茜为什么会屈服于一个坏小子？就算那坏小子是后台老板的儿子，也不可能因为凯茜不顺从就能把四人组合怎么样啊？再说了，凯茜算个几啊？轮到她牺牲尊严保全组合吗？多荒谬啊！我问Susan这个情节是凭什么安排的？她只好笑笑说也是，她也没有多想。我说哪能一个坏人就可以靠几句狠话，一个敢于逃婚的姑娘就会为一个连男朋友都算不上的人献身于恶人呢？凯茜和亚历兄斯类似一见钟情似的爱情还没有挑明，两个人连KISS一下都没有、连正式承认男女朋友的程度都没有达到，怎么会因为坏人的几句威胁就肯甘心受辱呢？我一直想等Susan写完全书后再和她认真地讨论一下小说的这一硬伤。我提醒她，是不是要修改一下，否则也没法说服读者啊，这一安排也太不合理、太不可思议了。
我很关心这一点——凯茜不反抗？不求助？不报警？不告诉任何人？为什么就认定没有人可以把坏人怎么样？为什么就认定坏人是有钱人的儿子，就可以无法无天呢？
话说回来，我实在是想不到Susan的书中会有这么多细腻的感情描写，不知道她都看了多少类似的小说，才有可能杜撰出来这种故事。
真是发展不平衡啊，她现在作业都忙乎不过来，急得真哭，简直跟个小学生似的；可是前几个月都可以写这种爱情小说了，好像怎么也不觉得是同一个孩子呢……
附上英文原文：
I’ve been working on a novel since April, 2013, and wrote a lot of it in the summer, so I feel like I should put at least a little bit of it here. The whole thing is WAAAAY too long, so I’ll just put in a few exerpts. J
I threw the trash away, raised my head and saw the poster-sized flyers plastered on the walls. My jaws dropped. I had to take a few steps back and almost tripped into a table.
“Are you okay?” Miked called from the counter.
“Y-yeah, I’m fine.”
I took another look at the poster. This. Can. Not. Be. Possible. It didn’t take me long to figure out who was smiling down at me in the huge picture. My boys, our boys, perfection in it’s original form. The four people I have devoted hours and hours to listening to, singing to.
Forever Young
My favorite rock singers. The four boys that I adore with all my life. Sean, the guy who’s hair is a different color every week and plays the drums. Luke, the black-haired guy that plays the keyboard. Kyle, the blond-haired one that sometimes plays the bass. And last but not least, Alex. Perfection solidified. Partly curly and dark blonde or light brown hair, framing an angle-like face. The lead singer and also a guitar player.
I shook my head and tore my eyes away from his face to focus on the words. PERFORMANCE SATURDAY NIGHT 8PM. SOLD OUT.
Wow. Some lucky fans get to see them perform tomorrow, how I wish I was one of them. I’ve always wanted to see them live. Who wouldn’t?! Maybe I’ll get my chance someday, maybe during the time I’m staying here. That would be another dream come true, right next to “Go to LA” and “Visit Hollywood”. I wish….oh, it’s no use wishing. It’s late, I have to find the hotel I booked and call Heidi. It’s going to be a rough conversation.
I turned to the counter. “Um, Mike? Can I borrow a map of LA?”
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Borrow? Meaning, you’ll return it?” He teased.
“Sorry! May I have a map of LA please?” I laughed at him and gestured towards the door. “I was thinking I might go sightseeing tomorrow.”
“Okay.” He turned around and started looking through the pile of paper by the computer. “I have one somewhere here. You don’t need to pay me.” He added that last part as I was taking out my purse. Wow, that’s one nice guy. If everyone in LA was this nice, then I think I’m going to like it here. It’s so soothing being around him….and really familiar, like I know him from somewhere. How strange.
“Here you go, Ms….” He handed me the map and waited for my name.
“Cathy. Drop the ‘Ms.’ Just call me Cathy. Thanks.” I turned to go.
“You’re welcome. Feel free to drop by again any time!”
I pushed the door open and steped into the warm summer midnight. Leaning against a lamp post, I pulled out and unfolded the map.
A piece of paper fluttered down from between the pages and onto the street. I bent down to pick it up. As I saw what it was, my mouth dropped open and my eyes went wide. My hand was shaking as I raised it up so the lamp lights would fall on it. OH. MY. GOD. I swear, my heart stopped for a second. This is too good to be true.
I flipped it over. On the back was a message: Use it well, idiot. I flipped it to its fron again. The same picture from the poster back in the store was staring out at me from the corner of the ticket. Yes, for indeed it is a ticket.
A ticket to the see the Forever Young performance tomorrow night.
*This is a bit further into the story, Cathy is living her dream, or more specifically, living with Forever Young. I won’t try to explain how, it’s a long story.*
The party’s tonight. To be more specific, the party’s going to start in an hour. And we’re leaving in a few minutes. And I’m still not ready.
Jennifer and Leila went out together with Sean and Luke earlier today, and they’ll be meeting us at the party. That meant I had to put on the make up and all that messy stuff by myself. Which I have no idea how to, so I just went natural. A little bit of mascara, some light lip gloss, and….that’s about all I know. I helped myself to some of Sean’s hairspray, he won’t mind. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t even notice! His entire bathroom cabinet is stocked with hair products, for men, for women, for both…wow. So, I’m sure a little bit of hairspray will be okay.
I took a deep breath, turned off the lights, and walked to the door to put my shoes on. Those ridiculous heels…ugh. But it’s the only thing I have that is considered “acceptable”, by Jennifer’s standards. She was about to buy me more, but I politely declined.
The small limo honked again, and I open the door and waved, telling them to wait one more second. I stood up and smoothed my hair back, smiling in nervousness and excitement. Time to go!
I closed the door, and walked shakily over to the limo. The door opened from the inside, and I stepped in. Wow. It’s pretty roomy in here, with only Luke, Alex, and me. Good thing Luke is here. Me and Alex alone in the backseat of a car…after what happened last week, not a good idea. I turned, and saw Alex staring at me, mouth slightly open. My eyes widened. Wow, he looked… gorgeous. His curls were as messed up as ever, but somehow, that look just enhanced his charm. My gaze turned nervous as he kept on looking at me, and I looked away. The limo pulled away from the sidewalk, and I took a nervous breath. Alright, this is it. First party I’m going to in America!
*This is the end of the middle of the story/ the beginning of the end. Currently, Cathy is lying in a hospital bed, so was Alex. Alex has just recovered enough to walk. I’m not even going to TRY to give a recap of what happened. It’s best if you don’t know, trust me.*
I can’t even describe the pain I felt, seeing his face. The hurt, shock, disgust, sorrow, and dissapointement in his eyes made me feel like I was the lowest creature to ever walk on the face of earth. My heart fell to pieces as I felt my eyes started to sting.
His beautiful emerald eyes didn’t twinkle like they did only hours ago. They seemed lifeless, pink around the edges, and wet with tears. I made him cry.
Reality is hard. It hit me that he’s never going to look at me the way he use to again.
He limped in. I noticed that he was using crutches. His head was wrapped in a bit of gauze, his hand was bandaged up to his wrist, and the rest of his injuries were covered by the hospital robe. I winced, seeing him like this. Oh Alex… I’m so sorry.
He moved over to my bed without a word, not looking at me. Sitting down, he finally turned around and stared into my eyes. Alex Alex Alex…
Alex stared at me with pure shock, his eyes wide and blurry and starting to form more tears. “W-who the h-hell did this to you? What happened? P-please, Cathy, no more secrets!”
I gazed at him, not sure what to say. I’m so sorry… “I..I…”
“WHY?!” He cried, standing up. I flinched, hearing his crumbling voice. My voice was gone, my whole body went numb. I couldn’t speak. And what would I say if I could?
All I could see right now is his face. The face I’ve been trying to avoid, dogding its accusing gaze with lies and excuses.
“CATHY! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS?!!” His words choked off in a sob. He started pacing the room, but then almost fell down without the help of the crutches, so he leaned against the wall next to my bed instead. Alex squeezed his eyes shut, and then said in a slightly quieter voice, but still almost shouting. “How… why? I thought you trusted us!! We could’ve helped you! I thought you were a fighter!” he shouted, breaking me with every word. The door opened again, and the rest of the boys walked through. Oh no…
They all appeared behind Alex with the same expression as him. That’s it. I don’t even have a heart anymore, it’s been shattered to pieces, minced, and thrown into a fire. I wish I was dead…
“I-I… I don’t know w-what to say…” I tried to get out understandable syllables. Everyone’s heads turned to the floor except for Alex. He was glaring at me.
The door opened for a third time. Who is it now…?
It was Celeste. She walked past the boys and went straight to me. Looking at me for a few seconds, she turned back to the boys.
“Alex, let her calm down.” Her voice wasn’t shaking a bit. Gratefully, I squeezed her hand. She nodded at me.
Alex didn’t move. Luke took his arm. “C’mon, Alex. She’s been through hell.” He sounded broken, and trust me, that. THAT is a sound you don’t want to hear…ever. Like, ever.
“I…I just can’t believe this…” Alex voice echoed. I furrowed my eyebrows and lifted my head to look at him. Between my quiet tears, I choked out the words.
“Which part, Alex? Which part don’t you believe?”
“THE PART WHERE YOU WOULD LET PEOPLE HURT YOU FOR NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER!” His voice was loud and full of agony. I flinched. That’s it. He just pushed the button he shouldn’t have. For no good reason?
“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!” I shouted back at him. It was all for you Alex, all for you! Luke tried to drag him away, but he just came closer.
“Yeah, I don’t know, so why don’t you explain?” he hissed at me.
Celeste walked right to him and pushed him away. He finally gave in and limped towards the boys, using his crutches. I stared at them, not sure what to do, what to think, what to say.
“All of you, out.” Her voice was firm and calm.
The boys gave me one last agonized look before going out. Alex’s look being the longest. Celeste looked at me too, gently. “It’ll be alright, Cathy. I have a meeting to attend right now, I’ll be back soon. It’ll be alright.” Finally, she closed the door, leaving me alone.
All alone.
| 老来天真 (2013-10-07 11:37:58) |
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小哭：你看你的女儿很了不起哦！她会不会将来是一个大作家，在她的小说里已经有了些倪端！我看她的心思在写小说上，所以才会对学校学习的事有些忙不过来！我想，你要宽容她！ |
| 老来天真 (2013-10-07 11:47:57) |
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还有你说：她的小说中一些费解的东西，其实，生活中本来就是有很多费解的事情，特别是在爱情方面，就是有好姑娘跟坏小子，这也是我们在生活中看到的！不解但是存在！ 我说了这么多，希望你不要误解，我没有有心反对你的观点！只是说说而已！ |
| 周小哭 (2013-10-07 12:19:10) |
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没觉得你在反对我，觉得你只是在表扬Susan而已：）希望她不要看上坏小子吧：（我们前天还在探讨如果一个人异性喜欢的不是你，会如何这个问题。结果三人三观点：）Susan爸竟然会说，如果你当异性就是一个东西，比如说苹果吧，苹果不喜欢你，你也还是可以喜欢苹果嘛！如果你在乎苹果对你的态度，那你是要回报，不是真心喜欢苹果！哈哈哈～～～ |
| 周小哭 (2013-10-07 12:23:44) |
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上学期期末有可能，这学期她已经不写小说了，没有时间。她的爱好其实也挺多，不过主要是和动脑筋类相关。她音乐体育没有什么悟性，让她做就会很痛苦，所以干脆全部放弃了。将来会不会当作家，我觉得兼职的是有可能的！但是她现在一心想当导演，昨天还上网查了跟拍电影有关的大学，说是大学太多了，只查了波士顿和芝加哥两个城市的。还说网上介绍了，做这种行业最好有兼职，否则在没有工作可做的时候，生活就会成问题。但是她现在实在无法理解生活会成问题到底意味着什么，等到她再大大的时候再跟她说这些事儿。 |