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儿子帮我管女儿 结尾篇

女儿回到家,给了我一个大大的拥抱,我感觉到她回家的开心和安心。

 

令我惊喜的是,吃完饭,她知道把脏的盘子碗放进水池里了,多少次我请她这么做都没有用啊,我想象的到,哥哥厉声让她自己收拾自己的盘子的情景,她甚至对爸爸说不用帮她洗碗,她自己会洗,果然,那晚她自己洗了碗,还摆放得整整齐齐。而周末,她竟然愿意帮我清洁客房和卫生间,当然我主动提出付给她“工钱”,可这真的是开天辟地啊!这些变化都是从哥哥那里经历了那十来天才有的,难道哥哥这种tough管教,还真有些作用了?

 

本来心里还有点芥蒂觉得儿子对自己的妹妹过于严厉和冷酷,等带着女儿去看了她自己的心理医生之后想法改变了很多,记得当时我不解地问医生,为什么医院里的咨询师要建议女儿不要与哥哥联系,说什么会伤她的自尊和自信,女儿的心理医生一直与那边医院有联系,他说一般不大会那样建议,但有可能是女儿自己的想法,说出来,咨询师附和也有可能,女儿可能觉得哥哥的优秀对她的自尊自信是一种压力吧,医生反复对我们说:你儿子做得对!(he did the right thing),医生指的是报警这件事。

 

我的心结解了一大半,可我还是想再问问儿子,我问他怎么看妹妹写给他的那封信,他说妹妹写的很好,其论点很有说服力,只不过同时也把他说成缺少人性的人了,以及故意伤害她的自尊和自信,有一面之词的感觉,而事实上很多时候,他都是很平静地跟她谈话的,想给她建议,但她不愿听。他还说他很高兴看到妹妹说要善待父母,但他目前不信任她说的话,只有她付诸行动才能建立自己的信誉。他认为妹妹把一切归于抑郁是不对的,随着她从大学修学,会失去朋友,再躲到父母的翅膀下,早晚就成了孤家寡人,到那时怎么办?


(原文摘要:I think she has a point and I think it's very well written.  I do not have the capacity fo deal with people like her in a civil way right now, only because a family member requires much more intimate interaction than with a patient.  But I do think she is again disregarding all the things she's said to me in the past too.  She makes it  sound like I lack numanity and that I intentionally bring down her self esteem, but if that's what she thinks then she didn't listen to a word I said, only the hurtful things after I lost control.  95% of the time I was calm and trying to give her real advice, she was the one saying toxic things and escalating the situation......sure she's unstable and not normal, but she can't blame all her problems on depression , because her problems only seem to increase over time as she loses friends and opportunities.  One day she'll be left with only you guys, and then what's left after that? ......You're not a failure mom, especially since you still put so much faith in her after so many years.  I hope she will get better and you can start relaxing. I still feel she will need to learn how to live without you before things can get better......)

 

我终于知道该对儿子说什么了,我对他说:谢谢你的成熟,尤其是看到你能接受犀利的批评,还能夸赞批评者好的地方,这让我看到你的成熟度,我希望你在接下来四年的医学院学习能慢慢的更多的了解抑郁症和相关的心理疾病,从而不仅能从医学的角度理解和同情你将来的病人,更能从人性的角度去分析和治疗这些挣扎中的人,也许那时,你会更理解妹妹的一切。感谢你在我们度假期间为我们照看妹妹,虽说有些硝烟弥漫,但那不是你的错,我很自豪有你这样的儿子,至少我可以说我不是一个失败的母亲。

 

儿子几乎立刻回我说:妈妈,你当然不是失败的母亲,特别是这么多年你还对妹妹充满了信心,妹妹的信也让我反思,我希望她能有所改善,你也能轻松下来,我还是觉得你们应该让她学习自我独立生活,那样对她对你们都好。

 

会的,儿子,放心,会越来越好的,女儿终究会学会独立生活的,我坚信。我和先生相拥,只要我们一条心,有信心,就有希望。

 

我感恩有这样一对儿女,有一个相互支持支撑的好老公。

 

正如一位朋友对我说的,生活中有点美中不足,才过得跌宕起伏。

 

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评论

杏子花开的头像
 #

妹妹也才十几岁,可塑性很强。哥哥越来越专业。

有爱的一家人!致以满满的祝福!

 
LaughingRiver 笑河的头像
 #

Thanks for sharing your experience with your children.  I have a similar situation concerning my older son.  I have been through a lot of pain, confusion and anger.  I finally resigned to my fate, and find GOD in the process.  As you said very well, this is a blessing in disguise.  It's GOD's way of showing us the path to salvation.  Before that, I was a very self-centered, egoistic and ambitious person.  I denied and suspected the existence of GOD and the spiritual world, indulged in material success instead.  Without the lessons I learned through raising my Asperger son, I would never have found the ultimate truth and GOD's unconditional love.  My son has made me a much better person today than I originally was.

I thus praise and thank our LORD GOD.  May many parents like us can all find the peace and truth through the arduous journey of child-rearing.  This is GOD's way of teaching us.  Our children are GOD's gift.  They make us grow.

 
予微的头像
 #

松一口气!前路漫漫,儿女一天比一天好!祝福!

 
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