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搬去新泽西 (笑话)英译中

2010年冬

从迎来第一场雪的兴奋到今年不寻常的过于频繁落雪的埋怨 ,同事们因为知道我从加州搬来不久,常和我开玩笑怎么没把加州阳光带来? 

 

一场雪接一场雪,隔壁办公室的同事给我寄来下面的故事,我读完哈哈大笑, 翻成中文如下: 

 

搬去新泽西

 

八月十五号:

 

搬到新泽西。哇, 如此美丽!北望湖水,如此壮观!等不及看到湖面被白雪覆盖的样子,我会爱上这里。 

 

十月十四号 
  
泽西毫无疑义是世界是最美的地方。树上的树叶开始变得红橘相间。在公园里漫步时看见几只优雅的鹿,它们真是这个地球上最奇妙的动物。这里像个天堂,我爱死了这里!

十一月十号      

 

猎鹿的季节就要开始了。我难以想象竟然有人会射杀这种高贵的动物。我希望早点儿下雪。我热爱这片土地。  

 

那些红红黄黄的落叶已经像一块杂色的地毯铺在我家的后院。美丽极了!清理院子成了在清新凉爽的的空气中锻炼身体的机会。
 
十一月十五号 

啊,更多的落叶,更多的运动和锻炼。 
  
十一月十八号   

 

我的上帝啊!怎么还有这么多树叶啊!还是等到他们全落完再清理吧。
  
十一月二十五号  

 

终于等到这一天树上所有的叶子都落了下来。今天终于清理完毕。

 

我的脊椎科医生建议我明年最好请一位花园工。 我手上有四个水泡感染了,唉,也许应该记着戴手套。
 

 

十一月三十号 

真TMD的见鬼了!这许多树叶从哪里来的?昨晚只不过刮了点小风,今天草坪就被它们覆盖了。哦,让它们(树叶)呆在那儿到明年春天吧。 
  
 十二月十三号

 

昨晚终于下雪了!当我醒来时发现整个世界披上一层白色的毯子。窗外的风景像一张明信片。我们出去铲雪清理了走道和车道还打了雪仗。 铲雪车过来了,大概我们还得把车道的尽头的余雪再铲一次。 

 

多美的地方啊!我爱泽西! 

 

十二月十四号

 

昨晚又下雪了!我好开心哦!铲雪车又把积雪弄到我们的车道上了。 

 

但是,我还是很喜欢这里。

十二月十八号

 

昨晚又下雪了!车道上都是雪,我出不去了,无法去上班。

我厌倦了铲雪。去TMD的铲雪车。 

 

十二月二十二号

 

昨晚又TMD下雪了!好像又回到与落叶奋战那样,我的双手如今到处都是铲雪铲出来的水泡。我总是忘了戴手套。我想那个见鬼的铲雪车就躲在我家附近的某个角落,一等到我把车道的雪铲完,他就出现了!真 TNND! 
  
十二月二十五号

 


  圣诞快乐!
更多该死的雪!如果那个开铲雪车的人落在我的手里,我发誓我一定宰了那个婊子养得他! 

 

真搞不懂他们为什么不多撒点盐把那路上的鬼雪融化了。 

 

十二月二十七号
 

 

昨晚又TMD下雪了!除了铲车道上的雪几乎足不出户。手套铲雪都铲湿了,我的手长了冻疮。医生说还好不严重,很快就会好的。我们根本出不了家门,车子都陷在雪里。天气预报说今晚还要降大约十英寸的雪,你知道十英寸的雪要铲多少雪锹吗?  

十二月二十八号
 

 

那个鬼天气预报根本不准!雪下了34英寸!照这样下去,积雪大概要到夏天才能全部消融。铲雪车被困在路当中了,那个龟儿子竟然问我借雪锹。我告诉他我已经因为铲雪损坏了六把雪锹,谁知这最后一把也毁在他的手里! 

 

一月四号

 

今天终以可以走出家门了!去商店里买了一些食物,却在回家的路上,我的车被一头鹿迎头撞上。 三千美金的损失!这该死的鹿!真希望它们十一月份猎鹿的季节中全部被猎人杀光! 

 


  五月三号

 把车开的修理行。车子被一个冬天路上撒的鬼盐腐蚀得面目全非千疮百孔。

 


五月十号

搬去弗罗里达的村落。我不能想象任何精神正常的人要住在这被老天都遗弃的新泽西!   

 

读完上面的文字,我乐不可支,我的美国同事问我有没有同感,我说对于秋天的美丽和落叶的折磨,还真是感同身受,今天的冬雪尤其得多,我倒没有文章的作者反映那么强烈,从不敢在雪地里开车到无所畏惧,我也经历了许多“惊险”的体验!不过我问这位在新泽西住了一辈子的美国人,他怎么看,为什么还住在这里?他说他生在此长在此,早已习惯!这里是他的家!他问我有一天会不会像文章的作者搬到弗罗里达去?我哈哈大笑回答:“要搬,我也不去弗州!那里的飓风太多吓人!我还是回我的加州去!”同事也哈哈一笑说:“加州整天地震,我也怕怕!”嘿嘿,真可谓萝卜青菜,各有所爱吧!

 

 Moved  to New Jersey 
    August 15 
- Moved to a new home in Jersey . It's so beautiful here. 
   The lake to the north looks so majestic. 
   I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. 
   I'm going to love it here. 
  
     October 14 
     I Jersey is definitely the  most beautiful place on earth. 
    The leaves have turned all the colors and shades  of red and orange. 
    Went for a ride through the park and saw some  deer. They are so 
    graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. 
    This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE. 
  
November  10 
Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal, 
hope it will snow soon. I love it here. 
  
Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent 
multi-colored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning up the yard will 
be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air. 
November  15 - 
Ah, more leaves and more exercise. 
  
November  18 - 
Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait until  they've all fallen before I rake again. 
  
November  25 - 
Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and  today's final raking it's over for this season.
Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year. 
Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves. 
  
  November  30 - 
What the f--k? Where did all of those leaves come from? 
A little wind last night and the lawn is covered again. 
Oh well, they'll  just have to wait until spring. 
  
  December  12 - 
It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything  blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. 
We went  outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Had  a snowball 
fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by and we had to shovel the end of the driveway again. 
What a beautiful place. I Love Jersey 
  
December  14 - 
More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did his  trick  to the driveway again. 
I Love it here. 
  
  December 19 - 
More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway to get to work. 
I'm exhausted from shoveling. F---ing snowplow. 
  
December 22 - 
More of that white sh-t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters 
all over my hands from shoveling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner 
and waits until I'm finished shoveling the driveway. The a--hole. 
  
  December  25 - 
  Merry Christmas.   
More frigging snow. If I ever get my  hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplow. 
I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f---ing ice. 
  
December  27 - 
More white sh-t last night. Have been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway 
after that plow goes through every  time. 
F---ing gloves got wet and then froze on  my hands.  Doctor said it was just a mild case of frostbite, disfiguration 
is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white sh-t. The weatherman says to 
expect another 10 inches of the sh-t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is? 
  
December  28 - 
The f---ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh-t. At this rate it won't melt 'till summer. 
The plow  got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and  asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him 
I'd already broken six of them shoveling all the sh-t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his  f---ing head. 
  
January  4 -   
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a damned 
deer that ran in front of my car. 
Did about $3000 damage. F---ing beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November. 
  
  May 3 -   
  Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f---ing salt they put all over the roads. 
  
May 10 - 
Moved to The Villages in Florida . 
I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of New Jersey 
  
 

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评论

木桐白云的头像
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呵呵,一方水土养一方的人,我们总在理想与现实之间徘徊。

 
henrysong的头像
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哈哈哈! 哪里都有不尽人意的地方啊。

 
仲夏百合的头像
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一月四号到五月三号之间, 没任何举动, 看来只能在家里“猫冬”了。

 
牧童歌谣的头像
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哈哈!对付个新泽西就骂娘,哪天让他试试俺们博士屯儿(Boston),保证啥抱怨都没了!

 
百草园的头像
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雪下太多是要骂人了。今年例外威州的雪不多。

 
牧童歌谣的头像
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百草和百合姐那Wisconsin更吓人! 我在Minnesota上过四年学,跟你们紧邻,算是领教了!

 
予微的头像
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哈哈,我就一直赖在南加州,连三藩市都不肯搬去!

有时跟朋友打电话,只要他们一说现在零下多少度,早上要铲雪才上班,我即使晒着暖暖的春阳,骨子里立即冷嗖嗖。

 
面条儿的头像
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一下雪, 下班天黑黑, 就想得搬离这鬼地方。 可是春天一来, 惨红愁绿, 又站这儿不走了。 也算年复一年, 呵呵。

 
海云的头像
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哈,真改名儿啦?你可真行!

 
林玫phoenix的头像
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车被冬雪和盐搞得伤痕累累吧?寒心了吧?有机会还是回加州吧?我一想起冬天的雪和刺骨寒风我的骨头就咯吱咯吱地响------

 
海云的头像
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最寒心就是你连我的电话都不要听。:(

 
林玫phoenix的头像
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咱们还是保持一点神秘的好玩,一通电话就直白了,无趣得很了,那个寒心你要用南京土话讲(Hen sin!)

 
面条儿的头像
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这回行了吧?

软软细细的。。。yes

 
henrysong的头像
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说起天寒地冻,再冷也不会超过我曾经上学的地方了,一年大半年的冬天,号称只有两个季节:Winter and July. windchill 能到零下60F的!在那里两年,快把人逼疯了。

 
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