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上午扶着父亲下楼，看着他因中风无法活动的左臂和肿胀的左手，心疼一词太轻。晚上扶着母亲上楼，捏着她软软的手，看着她越来越细碎的脚步，心疼一词太轻。岁月的更替带大了我的两个儿子，却磨老了我的父母。读着小儿回顾11次回国和姥爷关系的变化 （Cycle of Life），感叹人生诸多无奈。小儿从他给姥爷打针，哥哥托姥爷上楼认识到以前回国家庭聚会似乎是表面化的爱，“Family reunions contain almost a superficial love." 他们体会的真爱也使我在落泪之余觉得欣慰。学习了。（下面是匆匆翻译，觉得无法译出他的英文语境。）
我和姥爷关系的变化
我每年都见姥爷。随着我渐长大，姥爷渐老，我们的关系也在变化。从最开始我很小的时候，我当然是娃娃，姥爷照顾出奇麻烦的我。除了妈妈偶尔讲的，我对那几年几乎毫无记忆。重要的是我那时的感受，可惜大都因遗忘而没用了。
接下来几次回国，我模糊记得家庭聚会和看电视。这个阶段我其实和姥爷没呆多久，亦即高质量共处。我记得自己老是在忙活。忙什么？我也不知，总之只是匆匆上五楼看姥爷，然后赶紧下楼玩儿。因此有时我觉得跟姥爷打招呼几近成了负担。我并不是说不喜欢见到姥爷，只是我在玩兴正浓时不情愿被打扰去跟姥爷“请安”。那个时期，姥爷就像我的一个朋友，并未重要到要停下我的娱乐。
我把从前十次回国归入上面两类，但今年与众不同。明年也许会类似今年，但得取决于我们是否回国，即使回国，谁又能推测未来呢？
今年，因姥爷在元旦那天中风而不再有家庭聚会。在此之前，他都是去和朋友打麻将，如上所述，我们不常见他，他也不需要我们。今年，他需要我们。为了能到外面透透风，我们得先帮他穿袜子和鞋。他下楼时需要Austin站在他前面，因为他担心腿脚不稳滚楼梯。返回上楼时，Austin要推他上去。“推”字不太准确，哥哥是架着姥爷两肋减轻重量，姥爷才一步步上去。
姥爷还有糖尿病，要一天三次注射胰岛素。我自告奋勇每天帮他打两次针。他的左臂不能动还很疼。所以我们得帮他洗手和换衣服。妈妈告诉我姥爷非常独立，84岁高龄，在中风当天还开车去晨练。这么一个要强的人现在要依靠别人，可想而知他的心境。
现在角色互换了。我们曾被姥爷养育，如今要照顾他。心酸吗？这就是生命的轮回。宝贝们已被带大可以照顾渐老的长辈。我现在和姥爷非常亲近，不只是因为经常见他，而也是到了更高的境界。从一周几次到一天三次，每次见面也完全不象从前打招呼就跑开。
我们不再有家庭聚会，因为没人需要以餐厅和美食来表达爱意。家庭聚会似乎包含一种肤浅的爱，而今年我体会到的是真爱和家庭。
My Changing Relationship with Lao Ye
Arnold 8/20/2014
I see Lao Ye basically every year, and now that I'm older and he is as well, our relationship is changing. Let's start from the beginning. Ever since I was very young, I bet I was the baby and he was the caretaker, looking after a troublesome me. I barely remember anything back then except stories from Mom, but what is important is the feelings I had back then, and because those are lost, too much is rendered useless.
Next are the vague memories of family reunions and watching TV. All I remember about this period is that I rarely spent much time with Lao Ye. Valuable time at least. I remember the feeling that I was rushing. Through what, I don't know. I just know I was on the 5th floor rushing through something so I could go downstairs to play. So sometimes, visiting Lao Ye felt almost like a burden to me. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy seeing him, but sometimes when I was playing something, I really didn't want to be distracted by having to greet him. In that period, he was like a friend, but a friend not important enough for me to stop my own entertainment.
I separated the previous years into the two groups above, but this year is its own. Next year might fall into this category, but that depends on if we come back at all, and after all, who can predict the future?
This year, gone are the family reunions because Lao Ye's health has gone down after his stroke on New Year's Day. Before, he would go out on his own to play Mahjong with friends, so we, as I said before, didn't see him, and he didn't need us. This year, he needs us. To get out of the house, we need to put on his socks and shoes. He also needs Austin, when heading downstairs, to stand in front of him because he is afraid of tumbling down the entire staircase. When coming back, Austin must push him up. Well, the word "push" is a bit inaccurate. Austin puts his hands onto Lao Ye's ribcage and lifts him up to make him feel lighter.
Also, Lao Ye has diabetes, so we have to give him insulin shots three times a day, two of which I volunteered to do. His left arm, which rests on a sling, is not only immobile but also in pain. Thus, we wash his right hand and help him change clothes. Mom told me that he, who was such an independent person, was even driving on the day he had his stroke at age 84. It must be sad for such a strong minded person to have to be dependent on others.
Now, the roles have reversed. We, who were being taken care of by Lao Ye, are now the ones taking care of him. Ironic? It's the cycle of life. Those who get taken care of grow up to take care of others.
I am so much closer to him now. I see him much more; it's on a whole new level than before. From at best a few times a week to several times a day. Each time is also much longer than before, when I would simply pop in to say hi then leave. We don't have any more family reunions, because no one needs a restaurant and good food to show their love. Family reunions contain almost a superficial love. This, this year, is true love and family.
| 李春燕 (2014-08-20 16:59:29) |
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转“我也看泪了。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-20 16:59:05) |
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孩子似乎写得upbeat，只是我自己sad。谢谢！ |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-20 17:02:22) |
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转“母子写的都好。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-20 17:03:12) |
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谢谢！他的反思值得我学学。 |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:10:06) |
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转“孩子懂事了，今年开始我儿子也开始懂事了，我真心高兴，但也为儿子开始要体会人生百味有些不忍” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-20 17:08:09) |
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我曾经被父亲保护得很好，但下决心让孩子们面对世事，所以很多事都听他们的。 |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:08:23) |
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转“Arnold 小小年纪，写得真感人。我转给我的孩子们读了。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:10:30) |
| 转“俩儿子都很懂事！这是做母亲的欣慰呀！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:12:02) |
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转“Wow, Arnold really writes something deep too. His understanding of "Cycle of life" touches my heart! Almost can't believe that a 13 years old boy grasps the meaning of life at such young age. 感动同时替你欣慰！Also, 他的文笔很棒，有妈优良基因啊！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:12:32) |
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转“发自内心的爱最能感动人！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:13:28) |
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转“虽然伤感却是温暖的，写得真好！我想我们的孩子大多数都会有这样的经历，谢谢Arnold为他的同龄带来的启发。生命就是这样传承了，上一代的衰老伴随着新一代的成长，太多的无奈与不舍，幸亏有希望扶持我们前行。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:13:58) |
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转“你的两个孩子可以和他们的laoye这么close，你的教育已经成功了，这么懂事的孩子，我看了也眼湿湿的。。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:14:21) |
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转“小小年纪就有如此暖心的人生体味，家长教育的好！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:14:50) |
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转“感动！海外生活的孩子回国探亲不仅为了享美食和了解母国文化，更重要的是感受更多亲情并成长。希望我的孩子也能具有用心感受亲情并奉献自己情感的能力。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:16:02) |
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转“燕子，我想你儿子肯定是遗传了你的写作基因，除此之外还有啥后天的招可以share 吗？” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:18:25) |
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每年回国写写游记评论等journal. 我跑医院空隙才看到这个。现在有iPad方便，以前写在本子上的都很难找出来读了。 |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:18:49) |
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转“真心替燕子高兴有这么疼人的儿子。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:19:12) |
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转“写的真好。情文并茂！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:20:03) |
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转“感动啊！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:20:29) |
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转“写的真好。 看了很感人。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:20:49) |
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转“感人。孩子们有了学习的榜样。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:21:16) |
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转“血浓于水” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:21:42) |
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转“生命的轮回，多么深刻的认识！必须要让孩子们走入生活，体验生活的甘苦，才能帮助他们更好地走向未来。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:25:17) |
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说得精辟！也是我每年回国的部分原因。近几年他们越来越有担当，因为我多是照顾老人，没时间管他俩。 |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:27:57) |
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转“看的我的眼泪在眼圈里打转，可爱的小Arnold再也不是小孩子了，这样的理解和感悟让人动容，“Those who get taken care of grow up to take care of others. ”真好！这种对于人生的思考是难能可贵的啊，真优秀的宝贝们，要传授我点育儿经验！" |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-21 10:29:07) |
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就是象上面优秀教师和母亲郭老师说的让孩子们走入生活，体验甘苦 |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 02:05:40) |
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转“懂事了！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 02:06:25) |
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转“好儿子+好外孙。内心丰富的孩子，会比别人更深地体验人生，甜更甜，苦也更苦。情感是强大的力量。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 12:29:34) |
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转“文章我认真读了，感情细腻真挚，也是对亲情和对人生的感悟。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 12:30:40) |
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转“英文的我转发我姑娘阅读了。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 12:31:34) |
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转“同感,序也很好.” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 12:34:42) |
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转“好久没有感动过了，如今读着春燕和小儿澄澄的文章，不禁感慨万千潸然泪下。澄澄的文章细腻，继承了妈妈的文采，青出于蓝而胜于蓝，每年见到两个孩子都会成长，可随着孩子的成熟与成长，我们及我们的父辈们却在渐渐的老去……春燕此文开始的序——几个“心疼”几个”太轻”已经敲打我的心，觉得犹为高兴的是春燕培养了优秀的接班人。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:44:55) |
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转“你家老二写得真好，能对亲情有这样的认识，真是懂事的好孩子。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:45:31) |
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转“孩子让我佩服！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:45:55) |
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转“孩子懂事了，妈妈都很欣慰！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:46:23) |
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转“看的酸酸的，想起了我爸爸病重的时候，你家的情形何其相似啊！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:46:48) |
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转“记得几年前还是说着美语机灵聪明的小精灵 ，现在变成细腻懂事的大男子汉啦 ！ 孩子成长了 ， 对故土执手亲情的感悟让人感动， 又是才子一枚 ，像妈咪！！！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:47:15) |
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转“春燕的两个孩子不仅按咱中国人传统的标准学习好，而且正直，有情义，对妈妈的故土和亲人饱含深情，特别难得，相信他们在人生的路上也能走得坚定，情感的力量是强大的。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:48:44) |
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转“春燕和儿子写的都那么感人，字里行间流露出对亲人的爱和真情，都说孩子是父母的镜子，真的很钦佩春燕，为有这样的同学感到自豪！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-22 14:50:11) |
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转“记得春燕还和咱们几个同学带着两孩子去乡下睡火炕，她家的孩子不娇气。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-23 02:25:37) |
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转“老二也就是当年咱们的年龄，那个时候经历了什么做了什么，若干年后回想起来都是美好的，充满感情的，因为那个年龄还没到被世俗沾染的时候，这也是这次我们聚会，大家在三十年后还都充满感情毫无芥蒂的原因，纯洁啊…” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-23 02:26:37) |
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转“没错儿！什么是幸福啊，人生能有这样的朋友足已，我们相聚的那天真的是很开心快乐，都说人情薄如纸，可咱们同学中有的只是纯真的情谊！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-23 02:27:08) |
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转“我儿子这回懂了什么叫同学聚会，可是对三十年还没有什么概念。他还没有很好的沟通表达情感的能力，但他在国内的这些经历和叔叔阿姨和家人对他的深情一定能帮助他成长，至少能留在他的心底” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-23 02:28:14) |
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转“以后有机会就领孩子回家乡看看，咱们下次 也可以组织个登山游或是湿地游。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-23 02:29:29) |
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转“读了【二代是吾师】，感同身受！努力的母亲、有灵性的孩子，真好！ 这些挚爱，经过了流年的洗礼，岁月的荡涤，永远如隔夜般清晰，根植在我们心底。如此，安好！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-24 07:09:26) |
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转“读后眼睛酸酸的 感受亲情 孩子的文笔像妈妈” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-23 02:37:16) |
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如此好文笔！ |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-24 05:54:21) |
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转“感动。很喜欢你的两个儿子！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-24 07:08:20) |
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转“读了孩子的文章！感受到了他的浓浓的情意！我转了 ！” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-24 06:48:26) |
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转“儿子能体会和感悟，还愿意表达，难得，尤其是男孩。” |
| 李春燕 (2014-08-24 07:28:15) |
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再次感谢大家！现在我们娘仨已经是流水作业，一个陪点滴，一个扶上下楼，一个打针。我父亲每次叫“小大夫呢？” 连我也不需要了，我就只管热饭。他俩还打扫卫生。本来发文那天是挺心酸，这几天慢慢释怀。朋友的讨论也给我们莫大的鼓励。日子要积极地过，我们呆的时间虽短，却尽量不作过客，而是像过日子般体会。也就开心了。 |