Susan著 小哭译
一天中我最喜欢的时段通常是第六节课。我的第六节课是……数学！说得再确切些，是几何！几何（课堂）是我学校生活中最精彩的一门课。在我所有其它的课堂上，总是有些日子让我因为正在做着的非常枯燥的作业而真是不想去那个教室。迄今为止，那种事儿在几何课堂上从未发生过。所以，几何算是一直以来我最喜欢的课程之一！
喜欢几何课堂的最重要的原因可能是因为我擅长这门课。除了三次例外，其余所有的测试、小考以及作业中，我几乎都得到了百分制中的100分甚至更多。上一个小学期，我的期末成绩是如此地接近一百分甚至更多，但是最后一次测试我竟然只得了85分！结果把这一切都给毁了。不过我在班级还是拿到了最高的平均分！
我很惊奇于我在几何上怎么做得这么好。在数学上，我一直都有一些天份，但是去年，我没有努力，那个天份也没有显现出来。今年，我并没有过度地努力（只是比去年努力了一些），但是我拿到了最高分！我想可能是因为和学代数相比，我的脑子更适合学几何吧。我对几何理解得更好，我的脑子似乎更易理解几何。或者也许只是因为今年我在课堂上真的注意听讲了吧。
被当成“聪明的孩子”是令人上瘾的。我不是指那种“书呆子式的聪明”，我指的是“酷酷的聪明”（是指我实际上也有社交生活）。我想我真的不应该太为自己骄傲，我应该更谦卑。在公众场合，我根本不会表现出自大和讨人烦，我想多数人喜欢我。然而，在我的脑子里，我开始有了“我是最棒的”这一想法。当一个人自我膨胀到像这样一个……一个……我不知道怎么说好了（我只是在想着什么东西真的会快速地膨胀起来），那就很难表现出来谦逊了。我的意思是，我应该更谦虚。希望上帝能够在这一点上帮助我。我喜欢待在聚光灯下，但是我也内疚于自己喜欢这种感觉。然而，我不内疚于让某个人关注到我，这个关注来自于……
我的暗恋对象。好了，好了，我知道。我说过，我在教会有过一个暗恋对象，现在，我又说暗恋学校的一个男生了是吗？真的吗？但是没关系，别怪我！我也不怪我自己。我怪那些该死的荷尔蒙。至少我没有因为他们的外表而爱上他们。（哦，只是一个边注：我喜欢他们两个。同时。那是不是……太怪了？或者可能我只是如朋友般地喜欢这个新出现的同学。我不知道。我不熟悉这些情感。我只是希望他喜欢我）不管怎么吧，回到我的话题。几何课堂。因为我目前暗恋的对象/我想成为朋友的人/我希望给他深刻印象的家伙/不管你想管他叫做什么吧，他在我的几何课堂上，这就使这门课更有趣儿了！更好的事情是我们是搭档，意思是说我们必须得在很多事情上合作。我喜欢和他搭档，不只是因为我喜欢他，还因为他真的是聪明又努力、有趣又善良。和他一起做事儿很好玩儿，他相当地聪明，所以我用不着不得不去把什么都跟他解释一通，我们能真正地一起完成作业。我想我们很相配。他让几何课成为快乐的源泉（源泉这词儿对吗？）。
家长总是说你不应该因为老师或因为同学去喜欢或不喜欢一门课。你应该因为课程本身而喜欢它。几何课程和几何课堂是两件不同（虽然非常相关）的事儿。一个人为什么喜欢一门课程会有很多个理由，而一个人为什么喜欢一个课堂则非常地简单：老师和同学。不管一个数学呆子如何地热爱数学，如果他的老师和同学们都很愚蠢的话，他还是会讨厌他的数学课堂的。这是很多家长需要理解的事情。一门课程和一个课堂不是同一回事儿。
好吧，我喜欢几何课堂的一个重要原因是因为我的老师。我的几何老师很棒。他是一个相当有趣儿的人，但是我可以告诉你他业务也很精通。不象很多我遇到过的数学老师，要么很愚蠢，要么觉得我很愚蠢或那样地对待我；而这个数学老师很聪明，他对我的方式也是我很聪明的方式。在他的课堂上我能够学到相当多的知识。他组织安排家庭作业和课堂作业的方法前后一致，我很容易地就能理解到我应该去做什么。我说过他是一个有趣的老师没有？不像很多无趣的老师，伯特尼提先生的课堂通常都很有趣儿，还有一点点竞争气氛，比如他会在墙上张贴每次考试前五名的分数。但是我想他正在停止做这件事儿……我不知道为什么。你可能感觉到了，我喜欢竞争。但那可能是因为通常我都是赢家。
回到课程上。总体来说我很善长几何和数学。我暗恋的对象在我的几何课堂上，就坐在我旁边。几何课上我有一个聪明的搭档。我的几何老师相当地聪明有趣儿。上这门课的人们喜欢我（我希望）。所有的这些加在一起就是一节快乐无忧的课。对我来讲几何总是很有趣儿。我从来不用象在ELA或不得不做枯燥作业的那些课堂上那样，担忧于规划好我的时间。家庭作业简单容易。我不用太努力就可以在这门课上做得相当好。还有，最后特别地：这是几何！我爱几何！所有那些美妙的理由让几何成了一门令我满意的课。
结束本文之前我必须得说的最后一个重要的事情是：我必须注意不要把我的人生建立在几何课堂上面。我已经注意到了，一旦我真的擅长或真的在乎某件事情后，我就会放弃其它的事情，把我的整个生活都集中在那件事情上。我必须要真的小心别把几何弄成那样。我上周85分的考试就是对我的一个警告。开始我真的是很伤心，然后，我退回一步，看看我为什么那么伤心。慢慢地我意识到，我让几何成了我生活中一件相当相当大的事情。我提醒自己我有很多其它的事情可以从中得到快乐，其中最好的事情是上帝爱我并已经为我做好了安排。我不必在数学这种简单的事情上寻求安慰；我不必通过学习几何来释放我的压力；我应该寻求上帝，把我的问题拿到他的面前。
教会中曾有人提醒过我这一点，要我把基础建立在上帝之上，而不是其它的事情上面。我早就知道这一点，但是当这事在我身上发生时我并没有意识到。我生活的重心变了，一次一点地，变到了学校上面，然后变到了我擅长的科目上，然后变到了几何上面。这事在我身上是慢慢地出现地。将我的基础建立这类事情上就跟建在一叠纸牌塔上一样。这样做很简单，这样做很容易，并且还会很快地升高，但是一个错误就能将整件事情摧毁。我那85分的考试就象是一个小小的颤动，有点像上帝提醒我的方法，让我将我的房子挪开，否则，迟早，会有什么事儿让我在几何课堂上大大地失望，整个的塔将倒掉，我也跟着倒下来。现在，我正在往回退一步，努力去扩展我的视野，以便我不会只是看着几何课堂、或是学校或是我人生的这一个阶段。我想看到整个人生，不仅如此，我还想看到上帝。那将让我能够有远见，那将帮助我将我的根基从一个纸牌塔上挪开。
【小哭介绍背景】这小文我初看时只是记得Susan提到了她暗恋的对象，觉得她还真的挺信任我的，也挺自信的，不会为探讨一些情窦初开的情感而有羞愧感或难为情。她其实是一个很感性的人，但她的脑子中一点也不缺乏理性分析的能力。她会将这些情感归为激素搞的：）现在我终于明白她为什么能够理解三角恋了哈：）
翻译的过程中，觉得挺顺手的。但是小文的最后一段，还是挺震憾我心的（这大概都算是Susan风格了）。我竟然对这段基本上没有印象！事实上，这应该是我最有印象的一部分啊！我曾经提过，我愿意翻译Susan的文字，和她有信仰是非常有关系的！我愿意看到信仰是如何在她的生活中一点一滴地起到作用的。她在最后一段的感悟，如果换成家长的说教，效果可想而知！橡树园的教会确实教了她很多的人生知识。现在我们在有意地带领她撤离那个教会，主要原因就是距离带来的困难。可是，新的教会中她还没有能够得到这些收获，也挺令人心焦的。虽说信仰是人和上帝之间的关系，可是，上帝的教导必竟还是要通过周围的人和事才能起到作用，而不同的人、做着不同的事儿，带来的影响当然就不同。要不怎么有孟母三迁呢？纠结中，等待中，求上帝将Susan带到我们社区的教会中来吧，让她在新的环境中也能够如在橡树园的教会中一样地成长吧！最后一段她提到的几个词，我想说一下自己的理解，她将个人的成长比喻为盖房子，信仰当成基础，如果信仰是上帝基础就牢固；信仰是一些虚荣的东西则就不牢固，就会跟一叠纸牌塔似的，越高越禁不起小小的震动。
估计Susan对数学的喜爱，出乎了木桐老师的意料了。Susan四岁时我就发现了她在逻辑思维方面有天份，可是我一直消极地对待她对数学的渴望。我不希望她早早地因为这一天份而出现偏科的现象。不偏很难啊，如果孩子在哪个科目上不怎么努力也会有好成绩的话，就很难喜欢去学那些需要努力才能有好成绩甚至成绩还不一定多么好的科目啊。失去一个“数学家”，收获一个“作家”，也不错。当然，看到她数学拿B的时候，我多少也曾有过难过；当她说已经不喜欢数学了时，我也想过这是不是走到了另一个极端了？我想到了一个朋友曾说的，我早晚会为没有挖掘Susan的数学潜力而后悔。但如果Susan真的热爱数学到了某种程度，我坚信那也不是我所能左右得了的。如今，她又喜欢学数学了，管她是什么原因呢，喜欢学就好，否则我多少都会有纠结的。
附上英文原文：
Geometry Class
My favorite time of the day is usually 6th period. My 6th period class is….. math! More specifically, geometry! Geometry (the class) is one of the highlights of my schooldays. In all my other classes, there are those days when we’re doing such a boring project that I really do not want to go to that class. So far, that hasn’t happened with my geometry class. So, that makes geometry one of my favorite classes ever!
My most important reason for liking geomerty class is probably because I’m good at the subject. I’ve gotten a 100% or more on most of my tests and quizes and homework, with the exception of three. Last quarter, I was so close to getting a 100% or more as my final grade, something only one person has ever done. However, sadly, I ended up getting an 98% (I had 103%, but one test ruined it all when I got 85% on it). But I still got the highest grade in the class!
I’m surprised at how well I’m doing in geometry. I’ve always been sort of talented in math, but last year, I didn’t try very hard, and that talent didn’t come through. This year, I didn’t try excessively hard either (just a bit harder than last year), but I got top grades! I think it might have something to do with the fact that my mind is more geometrical than algebraical. I understand geometry better, it just makes more sense in my brain. Or maybe it’s just that I actually paid attention in class this year.
There’s something about being known as the “smart kid” that’s addictive. I don’t mean boring-smart, I mean cool-smart (meaning that I actually have a social life). I suppose I really shouldn’t get too proud of myself. I need to have more humility. In public, I don’t at all act arrogant and annoying, and I think most people like me. However, in my head, I’m starting to get a “I’m the best” mindset. And it’s going to be hard to act humble when my ego’s inflating like a… like a….I don’t know. Just think of something that inflates really fast. My point is, I need to have more humility. I’m hoping God can help me with with that. I enjoy being under the spotlight, but I also feel guilty about enjoying it. One person’s attention I don’t feel guilty about having, though, is the attention of…..
My crush. Okay, okay, I know. I said I had a crush on this guy at church, and now I’m crushing on a guy at school? Really? But hey, don’t blame it on me! I don’t blame myself either. I blame those damned hormones. At least I’m not just falling for them because of their looks. (Oh, and, just a side note: I like both of them. At the same time. Is that… really weird? Or maybe I just like this new guy as I friend. I don’t know. I’m not familiar with these emotions. I just want him to like me.) Anyway, back to my topic. Geometry class. Because my current crush/person I wanna be friends with/this guy I want to impress/whatever you want to call him is in my geometry class, it makes that class much more fun! And what’s better is that we’re partners, meaning we have to work together on a lot of stuff. I enjoy partnering with him, not just because I like him, but also because he’s really smart and hardworking and funny and nice. It’s fun working with him, and he’s pretty intelligent, so I don’t have to explain everything to him and we can actually get work done. I think we make a good pair. He makes geometry class a lot funner (is that a word?).
Parents always say that you shouldn’t like or dislike a class because of the teachers or because of the classmates. You should like it because of the subject. I dissagree. Geometry and geometry class are two separate (though very related) things. There are many reasons why a person would like a subject. Why a person would like a class, though, is very simple: the teachers and the students. No matter how much a math nerd loves math, that nerd is going to hate math class if he has a stupid teacher and idiots for classmates. That’s something many parents need to understand. A subject and a class are not the same thing.
Well, a big reason why I like geometry class is because of my teacher.. My geometry teacher is great. He’s a really fun guy, but I can tell he knows his stuff. Unlike many math teachers that I’ve had who were either stupid or thought I was stupid and treated me that way, this math teachers is smart, and treat me like I’m smart. I can learn a fair amount of knowledge in his class. The way he organizes the homework and classwork is very consistent, making it easy for me to understand what I’m suppose to do. And did I mention he’s a fun teacher? Unlike many boring lecturers, Mr. B’s classes are usually fun and a tad bit competitive. Like how after every test he posts the class’ top five scores on the wall. But I think he’s stopped doing that… I wonder why. As you can probably tell, I like competitiveness. But that’s probably because I usually win.
Back to the subject. I’m good at geometry and math in general. My crush is in my geometry class and sitting next to me. I have a smart partner in geometry. My geometry teacher is really smart and fun. The people in the class like me (I hope). All that adds up to a happy and worry-free class period. Geometry is always fun for me. I’m never worried about schedueling my time like in ELA or having to do boring projects. The homework is straightforward and simple. I do really well in that class without trying too hard. And, last but not least: it’s geometry! And I love geometry! All those wonderful reasons make geometry a great class for me.
One last important things I have to say before I go: I have to be careful not to build my life on geometry class. I’ve noticed that once I get really good at or really obsessed over something, I start to drop everything else and balance my whole life on that one thing. I have to be real careful not to do that with geometry. My 85% test last week was like a wake-up call for me. I was really sad at first, but then, I took a step back, and looked at why I was so sad. I realized that gradually, I have let geometry become a really, really big thing in my life. I reminded myself that I had a lot of other things to be happy about, the best thing being that God loves me and has a plan for me. I shouldn’t have to seek comfort in the simplicity of math. I shouldn’t have to relief my stress through doing geometry. I should seek God, and take my problems to him.
People have reminded me about this in church, about building my foundation on God, and not on other stuff. I knew that already, but I still did not expect it when it happened to me. My focus in life shifted, just a bit at a time, to school, then to subjects I’m good at, then to geometry. It snuck up on me. Building my foundation on that is like building it on a tower of cards. It’s simple, it’s easy, and it rises quickly, but one mistake can bring the whole thing crashing down. My 85% test was like an little tremor, kind of like God’s way of reminding me to move my house, or else, sooner or later, something will dissapoint me so greatly in geometry class that the whole tower would fall and I with it. Now, I’m taking a step back, and trying to enlarge my views so that I wouldn’t be just looking at geometry class, or at school, or at this time in my life. I want to be looking at my whole life, and not just that, but also at the Lord. That would put things into perspective for me, and would help me move my foundation away from that tower of cards.
| 阿朵 (2013-11-15 23:19:05) |
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小哭你翻译孩子文章的同时，也是了解她内心成长的过程，很有意义的一件事。坚持下去，一定会有收获！ |
| 周小哭 (2013-11-15 23:26:39) |
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谢谢阿朵，真的是这样，如果不翻译，平时虽然第一时间当了读者，总是有杂七杂八的事情干扰，其实有的时候根本就没有看进去，也没有注意到孩子在文中说了啥。这翻译起来就要认真地读，确实觉得是一个非常不错的了解孩子的渠道。 有的时候会觉得累，不如自己去看点英语书更享受，还会更快地提升自我。甚至有时也觉得挤占了陪小宝的时间。不过，文轩这里太给人力量了，几次刚想放弃就发现还是继续好：）现在你又给鼓劲了，那我就好好坚持吧。 |
| 西歌 (2013-11-20 06:26:28) |
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小哭, 正如你说的, 你女儿愿意把涉及她内心感情的文章给你, 真的对妈妈有百分百信任. 也表明她很坦然. 不是一般孩子能做到的. 非常佩服她的勇气和自信. 我想这可能也和她有坚定的信仰有关. |
| 周小哭 (2013-11-20 13:48:15) |
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可能是信仰给了她力量。我觉得信仰在她身上起的作用非常地明显与强烈。她的受洗见证曾经说过她找不到活着的意义，可是在我刚刚翻译完的梭罗的《瓦尔登湖》里，她竟然反对梭罗，觉得生活是那么地美好！就是这篇文章，也能够感觉到她对生活的热爱，我也对此特别地欣慰。 谢谢西歌关注和提醒，还有热心的建议。我虽做不到，但我一直记得，要保护她的自尊心。 |