I am that

Life, a mystery of miseries

Nothing more than incessant thoughts

And feelings

Of doubts and fear

That dwell deep inside

They well up now and then

To engulf me

Trapped in nescience

I spent countless hours

Mulling over the thoughts

Not knowing whence they originate

Not knowing what they mean

But experiencing the palpable tastes

Of bitterness and anger

Anxiety and disillusion

Day by day I plod the earth

A wretch in daydream

 

A cauldron of feelings

Unpleasant and ominous

Sitting on a smoldering fire

Brewing in gloom

Time and again they bubble up

Forcing me to savor

The convoluted mixture

Unable to discern the contents

Unable to extricate from the woe

I slump into despair

Yet I dare not open the lid

Lest I am completely destroyed

Neither I dare smash the vessel

Lest I cease to exist

The cauldron confines me

The feelings define me

I don’t know how to be me

 

Dark thoughts

Uneasy feelings

Like monstrous waves

Crush on me from all sides

Drowned in their dark abyss

I keep wrestling them for dominance

Until we become Siamese twins

Inseparable but pugnacious

They attack me incessantly

They take possession of me

They win one battle after another

Sometimes cajoling, sometimes harassing

Like shapeless demons

They come and go as they please

Leaving me in utter paralysis

 

What am I?

Am I my own thoughts?

Am I my own feelings?

Thoughts are torture

Feelings are disease

Life a dream I cannot awake from

Forever imprisoned

In my own mind

In desperation

I call out to the wind passing by

“Tell me how

Tell me why”

 

I fret, I beg, I cry

“Cast away the spell

Set me free!”

After countless ages

My prayers are answered

“Thou are not thy body

Thou are not thy mind

Thou are that!”

 

At last I get the word

Dump out all thoughts

Break the cauldron in pieces

Let light enter

Om so hum!

Om, shanti, shanti, shanti!