如何培养孩子的自主性 How to Empower Your Children to Learn and Grow


Lanna is 7+ years. She started to learn violin when she was 6 years. Recently she moved to a new school and had a new violin teacher-Ms Ross.  Ms Ross thinks she is doing well and decided to teach her new pieces.  So Lanna brought home two new pieces Ms Ross just taught her today and let her practice at home.

As a start, her new teacher instructed that she can practice 10 minutes a day and 5 days a week.

After dinner, when she settled down, her parent started to help her practice the two new pieces she just learned at the day. So Lanna started to practice the two new pieces, and became frustrated. As a result, she wanted to do something else, such as decorating her music book, rather than practice the new pieces.  She even turned to lose her calmness and temper, and started to shout that she did not want to practice. Her parent was very mindful and quickly identified that it was due to her frustration and incompetent in playing the new pieces that she would not like to practice. So her parent used a number of strategies, rather than automatically react to her temper and command her to practice.

First, the parent stepped into her shoes, and made effort to understand her, rather than judging her or critising her. The parent showed that they understood the difficulty to learn new pieces and frustration while not mastering them, and told her it is all right to have that feeling. Second, the parent observed how Lanna can calm down, and the parent noticed that when they told her Ms Ross said she can play both her old pieces and new pieces. She became settled down. What was more interesting was that not only Lanna’s frustration and temper has gone but she became happy and active in choosing how to practice. she developed a number of ways to practice. She chose four pieces which she plays well and the two new pieces to play in a roll. And then she put these six pieces into different orders to play. She played slow pieces together and fast pieces together. She played light and happy pieces together and heavy pieces separately. After all these she became very active and initiative in practicing violin that night. As a matter of fact she would not stop practicing violin. Her parent had to ask her to stop the work and go to bed.


Parent should always be mindful of children’s behaviors and causes underneath the behaviors. Empathise with the children, step into their children’s shoes, make effort to understand their children, rather than see their children with their own perspective and experiences. Actively listen and respect their children’s emotions and frustration.  Help their children emotionally and psychologically to calm down, reduce their frustration and stress, only then children can be reasonable. It is very difficult to be rationale when people have strong emotions or feeling frustrated. Try to find out the triggers, including triggers for frustration and temper and triggers to behave calmly, cooperatively and happily. Start to work with children by focusing on their strength, rather than be judgmental and critical. Give children choices and let them make decisions and take initiatives. Work with them, not work for them. Let them in charge of their study and life with some risk taking to the best of their capability.