青少年心里咋想的?

这几天,媒体上沸沸扬扬,一个亚裔男孩子,SAT2400,很多SAT2 得800分亚裔男孩子,最后只被加大圣地亚哥大学录取,他和和他的爸爸在自己的公寓死于致命的化学气体。警方最初怀疑两人因瓦斯外洩致死,经调查後已排除其可能性。现场发现可能致命的化学气体,两人死因仍在调查中。

警方表示,两人没有留下任何遗言。虽然死因调查仍在进行中,但是,我们痛惜,这年轻的生命就这样枯萎了,还带上了自己的爸爸!纵然我们有一千个疑问,一万个质疑,但是死者已去,我们痛惜之余,也要想一想,我们,要把自己的孩子,培养成什么样?上名校,难道比生命还重要?

10月2号晚上,亚美家长协会AAPA(Asain American Parents Associations)举办了一场讲座:”如何培养健康,快乐的未来大学生“,我们请来了当地两个家庭关系辅导教练Lisa Fairchild and Carol Satterlee 和一个营养学专家Sarah Tang,她们从心理,生理,营养的角度给我们讲解了当今青少年面临的压力,父母如何理解和支持他们,当地100多位家长参加了聚会。

Lisa 和Carol曾在当地中学生做过一个调查,让孩子们说他们自己心里的压力,说说他们对父母的期望。从孩子的回答中,不难看出他们自己本身已经有很大的困扰了,如果父再不断的施压,效果会适得其反。

做父母的也不容易,说多了他们烦,说少了又怕尽不到责任,如何掌握好这个度,还真是需要父母的智慧。让我们看看孩子们心里是怎么想的吧,了解了他们的心里,我们就静下心来好好想一想,我到底是要培养一个什么样的孩子?我如何才能真正帮到他们,而不是给他们了更多的压力?孩子们还在成长阶段,有些想法也许是阶段性的,但是我们的智慧应该在孩子之上,不是吗?

孩子们心里的想法:

1. I am stressed about the overload of standardized testing that’s coming, AP testing, SATs, and ACTs scare me. I fear the outcome of these standardized tests decide the comfort and satisfaction of my future life.

我对接下来的考试很紧张,AP考试,SAT考试,ACT考试,都让我很害怕,我害怕这项考试结果会决定我未来的生活质量。


2. Knowing that what I do now can affect the rest of my life, The equation of good grade+ good SAT scores + good extra circulars = college = career =life

知道我现在的做法会影响到今后的一生,好成绩+好的SAT分数+好的课外活动=大学=职业=人生。
 
3. “to which must is giving much is expected.” I have to make the most of everything, or it’s wasted. I have spent so long working that hard that I have to make sure I get the results.
 
4. I’m stressed about impending deadlines, worries of not being “good enough” and balancing college apps with rest of school.
 
我现在很焦虑deadlines,担心自己不够好,要申请大学,有deadline,又要把学校的学业,活动都handle好,压力很大。
 
5. I am so tired that I can’t care about much any more, I am not sure what exactly I am working for.

我太累了,我不能在关注更多的事情,我不知道我现在在做什么。
 
6. I’m not feeling good enough to get into a good school (especially compared to my peers)

和我的同学相比,我不觉得我能上一个好大学,
 
7. I wish my parents know while it’s great to have support, they are constant need to make my life perfect is more of a burden than a blessing. I want to make them proud but I also want to be happy.

我希望我的父母知道,有他们的support很好,但是他们不停的想make my life perfect is more of a burden than a blessing, 我想让他们感到骄傲,但我也想   to  be happy.
 
8. Help me with things like scheduling and planning for extracurricular, give me reminders to check if I am staying on target/help with time management.

(希望父母)帮助我,规划一些课外活动,提醒我安排好时间。
 
9. I think they just need to be more open to what I am saying and treat my opinions as valid ones. Acknowledging that this is my life and that I should be the one making the main decisions is vital.

我觉得他们应该更开明一些,对我的观点也要重视。这是我的一生,我应该是最主要决定的人。
 
10. Let me manage on my own. Stop pushing me and reminding me of my deadlines-I’m fully aware of what they are. They could help by creating a calm and quite home environment where I can focus and work.

让我自己来管理自己的事情,不要喋喋不休的推我,提醒我这个deadlines,那个 deadline,我心里都知道这些deadline。如果他们能给我创造一个calm and quite的家庭环境,我可以更集中精力work。
 

 
11. I wish my parents would realize what environments make me the happiest, because that is really influencing the type of college I want to go. I am a traveler and I love immersing myself in new environments, while my parents see no reason for me to leave them for a whole school year on the other side of the country, making it inconvenient to ever catch up (I want to go New York) and more expensive too. Also, if I can’t go to New York, my second option would be going to a liberal arts college because of the small student body population and the focus on humanities. However, they don’t understand why I would go to a no-name college when I could get into a college with more recognition.

我希望我的父母意识到什么样的环境我才会最幸福。我愿意旅行把自己融入一个新的环境中,可我父母却觉得我没有理由离开家到这个国家的另一端上大学,不能及时交流,学费也更贵。(我想去纽约)如果我去不了纽约,我想去小型文理学院,因为学生少,更注重人文科学。可我父母不明白我为什么愿意去一个不出名的学校,而不愿意去名校。
 
12.I wish my parents would be able to let go of me, to accept unmet expectations. I have never learned to depend on myself to stay on task. My parents always done that for me, Now, I need that from them more than ever.

我希望我的父母能放接受未满足的期望我从来没有学会独立依靠自己我的父母一直在做我应该做的事情,对我来说,现在,我比以往任何时候需要他们放手
 
13, I haven’t been thru the application process, but when my sister did, there wasn’t a lot of emotional support. I know my sister was stressed and nervous beyond belief about those applications, and through neither of us expected emotional support or encouragement from parents, I do wish they’d given her (and will given me) some.
 
我还没开始申请大学,但是我姐姐在申请,她没得到足够的情绪上的支持,我知道我姐姐很紧张焦虑,我希望父母能给她和我一些鼓励和情绪上的支持。
 
14. When I told my dad the potential majors I was thinking about, all he did was recommend different majors which I had no interest in. So I wish they’d be more open to my decisions.

当我告诉我爸爸我喜欢的专业时,他推荐另外一个我根本不感兴趣的专业,我希望他们更open一点。
 
 
15,I think that right now all my parents can do is reassure me that my accomplishments are gratifying to them and that the college I get into and go to should be the one that fits my needs, not the one that sounds the best.
 
我想,现在我的父母能做的就是安慰我,对我的成绩感到满意,对他们来说,我要进的大学应该是一个适合我的需要,而不是一个听起来是最好的。
 
16. The challenge I face is staying true to my values and not being pressured into supporting these ulterior motives. I would like my parents to stop trying to dictate my actions, because it stress me out.
 
我面对的挑战是坚守自己的价值观,而不打压我想我的父母应该停止试图支配我的行动因为它使我感到压力很大。
 
17. I think they just need to acknowledge how tough it is and how different it is from when they went to school or even when my sister went to school(she is nine years old than me). A lot has changed and getting into a good school is really hard.

我希望我的父母意识到,how tough it is,我们现在所处的环境和他们当初的环境是多么的不同,和我的姐姐当初的情况比(她比我大9岁),也是不一样的!现在要想上好大学,有很多挑战,非常不容易!
 
另外几个字条我找不到了,有些翻译也许不够准确,但英文原版在这,大家自己好好体会吧。





温连军 (2014-10-06 06:36:31)

家长可能有过多的干预孩子的毛病,但是孩子往往缺乏自控力;家长可能有偏见或是偏差,但是孩子往往有时幼稚。

有些矛盾,互相学习吧。

海伦 (2014-10-07 21:15:55)

孩子身心健康是最重要的,为逝者惋惜.

李春燕 (2014-10-08 03:18:42)

阿朵姐,这个调查不是只在华人中做的吧?是一个中学?

阿朵 (2014-10-08 03:31:03)

这是两个coach做的调查,不止是针对华裔, 应该是一个中学。